I have decided that the character limits on facebook posts are stifling my insane ramblings. I therefore am revising my blog so that I can expose my full blown insanity. Before a new insane rambling begins...here is a one of my favorite ramblings.... I am laughing to the "cross your legs" point just remembering...
Did you really expect it to be free and other Tales of Fun from Schaumburg
BEING IN VOGUE MEANS BEING IN PAIN
First off let me warn you that if you are planning a girls weekend it is no necessary to match your shoes with your purse because the co-shoppers will not be impressed. When you point out that you are coordinated one of them will laugh and say something like "Whaatt you think you are coordinated because your shoes and purse are both black????" It is obvious that a certain person does not read Vogue. I have determined after this weekend that matching shoes and purse will no longer be necessary, not so much cause I travel with unstylish people, but because matching shoes with your purse results in really sore feet which in turn makes your hip hurt which then slows down the shopping process. When you are limping your co-shoppers will says "Is you hip still hurting Granny. Do we need to sit down and rest?"
Perhaps if I find a purse that matches my Asics 1140's I will return to my match the purse and shoes mentality. Until then I will shop with my beautiful black shiny purse and my dingy asics 1140s.
DON'T BLAME ME IF YOU GET MISTAKEN FOR A HOOKER OR "WHAT NOT TO WEAR" COMES LOOKING FOR YOU
All I can says is Sears sells some really hideouse jewelry in their clearance section and someone that went on Girls weekend with us made a purchase from that section.
DID YOU REALLY EXPECT IT TO BE FREE?
Target is a must when shopping. It does not matter if we have a Target in our very own town. We will drive around in circles for a very LONG time just to discovery it was right down the street from our hotel(see very first paragraph for how this happens). At any rate, we eventually make our way to Target and are in hot pursuit of clearance items when the girls find it...the very thing that every hardcore clearance shopper seeks....SOMETHING FOR FREE. They find pajama bottoms clearly marked $0.00. It does not matter that it stands to reason that they are marked $0.00 for a reason..because they obviously are a set and the correct price is on the missing part. They head to the registers but have to first check out the lines to see if they can find a "Newby" clerk cause they think they have a better chance at getting their pajama pants for $0.00 if they find either a dimwit or a new clerk. They pass on the grey haired cranky looking clerk and pick the big strapping fella that looks like (and talked liked) the actor that use to play the Hulk on TV ( Lou something or other). They go up there and he starts scanning Tasha's stuff and he sees the $0.00 item. He looks confused and Kendra advises him that the pants are free cause they are marked $0.00. He decides he needs to consult the manager. He calls over the manager and they both look at the $0.00 item pants and Kendra patiently explains they are ZERO dollars. The manager then tries to explain to her that it is part of a set in which Kendra rightly explains there was no other piece that matched. The manager tells the clerk to punch in the numbers and he is says "No it is $6.95" and then he says "You didn't really expect to get it for free did you?" Kendra responds "Well kinda". Meanwhile I am laughing and dying from embarrassement behind her, the clerk is laughing, the manager is laughing, the lady behind me is NOT laughing. Tasha and Kendra did not get their $0.00 pants and Kendra's parting words to the clerk were" You better fix that because the next customer may not be so nice about it"
BEING FULL DOES NOT MEAN SAYING "NO THANK YOU" TO DESSERT
Okay just cause you say "I am sooo fulllllllll. I am sooooo sick" does NOT mean you are too full or to sick for cookie pizza for dessert.
The cookie part of the stomach is entirely separate from the dinner part of the stomach.
LESS SLICE MORE WEDGE
All I can say is when someone says "I am not like you Mom" and then proceeds to order the carrot cake and tells the waitress "I would like the carrot cake and make that less slice and more wedge" that girl is EXACTLY her mother.