Thanksgiving as always was loud and chaotic and you know I would not change it for the world.
As in the years past: Every single year and I do mean every year someone asks "What time are we eating" Ok people we have had Thanksgiving at 1:00 for the last 20 years but being the nice person I am I roll my eyes, let out a big sigh and reply "Are ya stupid..it is the same time as the last 20 years..1:00"
The Feast: Stays pretty much the same..standard Thanksgiving food but we will throw in an occasional new dish...this year Red Hot Applesauce Jello and mom's yummy pumpkin cake with cinnamon glaze...ymmmmm.
The GAMES: Aunt Denise is the winner of the "Eat It" triva game...that woman she does know her snack food. Unlike other trivia games this one does not take us an entire day to earn all the pieces to the pie cause there are just somethings we know alot about...food, bodily functions, movies and TV. If we have any knowlege of history, science or geography, it is cause we pick up the odd piece of knowledge here or there by channel surfing.
Buzz word first place was taken by Team White Lightening...Team Nimrod would have won the first round if one of Team Nimrod's members had not let her child erase the score card. One of Team White Lightening's Team members fled the kitchen cause
"This game takes to much quick thinking and my brain does not work like that" Team White Lightening's replacement stepped in but replacement spent alot of time scowling at his teammates asking them if they were stupid. Holy cow...Man....that was fun.
Black Friday Stratgey Planning Meeting: After food is consumed...okay food consumption never actually stops it just sorta slows down and games have been played it was time to get down to business...Black Friday Strategy. First there is the whole argument about who is riding with who...Kim after several years of boycotting riding with Aunt Denise because Aunt Denise LEFT KIM AT BEST BUY AND FORGOT HER, decides to forgive Aunt Denise (only because Kendra opened her big mouth and told Aunt Denise that "Mom forget me and left me in the daycare at the gym when I was 10 and had to come back for me" Denise demands instant absolution which Kim had to grant. So Kim in a gesture of goodwill says she will ride with Aunt Denise this year. Tasha and Kendra (part of Team Nimrod) will ride together. Amanda would be going with a friend. Brad was on the fence until we told him that if rides with Kendra and Tasha he will have to pay for his own Black Friday meal but if he rides with Aunt Denise and his Mom he is likely to score a free meal...despite the fact that "his brain does not work like that" he was quick thinking enough to agree to go with his Mom and Aunt. The ads are brought out. Ads are a touchy subject in this house. No one wants to give someone else their ads because then they don't get it back. Aunt Denise hides her ads (to protect them and keep them safe for Friday. Aunt Denise and Amanda try to get everyone elses ads. Kim takes a sharpie and writes her name across the front page of every ad from her newspaper before she will let someone so much as touch her ads. Brad tries to look at Lucas ads. Lucas tells him if he touches his ads he is a dead man. Once the arguments over ads and ad ownership have been settled,the planning and list making commences. Kim is feverishly circling items with her official "Black Fridy" sharpie. When it happens...someone dares to interfere with the Black Friday Stratgey Committee's official meeting...the someone...a child. The children in the family have still not got a clear understanding that when we are having a stratgy meeting we are not to be talked to, asked things or bothered in anyway(unless someone is gushing blood or projectile vomiting). Poor Abby stands by her Aunt Kim and request crayons and paper. Aunt Kim tells her to go watch Underdog because she is busy. Abby again makes her request. Aunt Kim tells her no she is not getting up from the table. Abby asks at least one million times more before Aunt Kim says coloring is not a "Thanksgiving activity" we will color another time. Abby in a huff walks away and begins coloring on styrofoam plates with Aunt Kim's backup sharpie. And then another interference, Adam runs in to tattle ( a skill just recently learned). He advises his grandmother (Kim) that Abby is coloring on plates and taping them to the walls. Grandma tells Adam to "worry about his self and Abby is not hurting anything". Finally we are left in peace.
THE DAY:
It must be admitted that Kendra and Tasha are FANTASTIC black friday shoppers cause they got everything off the list that Team White Lightening had asked them to pick up at Target and Menards. Team White Lightening did well in getting all their items on their list but let down Team Nimrod by not being able to get the the "New Moon" game.
Despite their willingness to pick up items for opposing the team, Team Nimrod has a mean streak and when they hooked up with Team White Lightening's car they threw COMBOS in the open window of Team White Lightening's vehicle and laughed hysterically because a team member of White Lightening requested that her teammate unlock the car door (yeah yeah yeah the car window was down) . A member of Team White Lightening responded by throwing water at Team Nimrod's car which only elicted laughter and a response of "Thanks for the car wash".
END OF THE DAY: Shopper's went home..at least one member of Team White Lightening went home and slept for three hours..then got up for a couple of hours and then went to bed for the night. Evidently being able to plod/walk 13 miles does not guarentee the ability to stay up for 24 hours straight.
Tidbits:
You gotta love a person that you get in the Christmas draw that gives you a picture of her wishlist item torn out of the ad and hands you a coupon for $10.00 off at that store.
Aunt Denise is scamming Speedway by bypassing how the hot chocolate is instructed to be made on the machine and stopping and starting the machine mulitple times to make her cocoa triple chocolately.
Golden Corral is the place to go for Breakfast Buffet.
Overheard:
"Aunt Kim can I have a piece of pumpkin pie now?" "No, because you just ate your weight in dirt pudding and Aunt Kim is NOT cleaing pumpkin pie vomit"
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Things I love
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Magic Water Bottles: The other day I was getting ready to take a ride (which I might add was quite fun!), while I was preparing for my ride I was talking to my fellow rider on the cell phone. I pulled my water bottle off the shelf, all the while chatting away,and went to stick the water bottle under the tap when I felt weight in the bottle..thinking I must have left water in it I start to dump it....and FUN SIZE SNICKER BARS flowed forth! Jill, who was still on the telephone with me, had to listen to my shrieks of joy for minutes...my huband hearing the shrieks of joy and my shouts of utter happiness ran into the kitchen to see me joyously running my hands thru the mound of snicker bars. He promptly grabs them away and slinks off to rehide the snicker bars...
Pumpkin Spice Latte from starbucks and Christmas Music
Feast of the Hunter's Moon
Covered Bridge Festival
Wearing hoodies in the fall (they cover a multitude of body flaws)
Sitting on my porch in the cool fall weather.
Overheard:
"Can we walk down to the bottom of the hill Grandma?" "Heck, no cause then we have to walk up the hill" "Well we can RUN up the hill" (why my 3 year old Grandson thought I would rather run then walk up the hill is a mystery)
"It must be fall...you're cleaning" (my poor husband the only time I clean is when the weather gets cool..I might add cool only...cold just makes me lay on the couch with a blanket and the remote.)
"My tummy is hungry for Pizza" (Your's isn't the only one little buddy)
"How you doing Kimmie" (Did not even dignify that question with an answer...we were running...I felt like dying of course)
"Why am I doing this?" (guess what this question was about...the answer...because I am completely stupid)
"Maybe carb loading is the answer" (it is the answer to why I can't button my pants without laying down on the bed)
"If I ride any longer I might be totally naked" (okay I will let you just mull this comment over!)
UPCOMING EVENTS:
Feast of the Hunters Moon (all children must be accompanied by parents as Grandma will not be able to hold any children as she is going to have her hands full of apple dumplings and ham and beans)
Kaufman Family Fall Festival/Halloween Fun Day: Sunday 1:00. Chili and dessert served and yes I will have something for those picky eaters that will not let a kidney bean cross their lips. Kids bring your halloween buckets to put your prizes in!
Covered Bridge: Whoooo Hoooo the girls are going out of town...just one day so we can't cause too much chaos.
Halloween Night: Grandma will cook beef stew and desserts before trick or treating.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Hunger Rears Its Ugly Head
Fall is my absolute favorite time of the year. I love running, I love biking, I love walking thru leaves and carving pumpkins. Unfortunately I also love food. Fall awakens the hunger in me like no other season...chili, cider, pumpkin dougnuts (and I don't even like dougnuts all that well) stews, homemade soups, homemade cookies and cakes. I need to do the whole bear thing and hibernate right thru the fall season. Yesterday, my friend and I were walking on our lunch break, and as soon as I walked out the door of the building I could smell the yummy goodness of Chumley's hamburgers. My knees about buckled and I just about fell to the ground in a fit of culinary lust. Lucky for me I knew that if I made it thru my breakfast of egg whites and whole grain bread, and lunch of carrots, celery, strawberries, and whole grain bread roast beef sandwich that delights were awaiting me at home in honor of my son in laws birthday...chicken pot pie, made with my own loving hands. Lets just say because of the season I am REALLY glad they took the remainder of the birthday cake home (aside from the piece my husband has in his possession and is closely guarding).
On the home front:My husband bought snickers bars last week (which I might add is the best candy in the ENTIRE world..followed closely by reece cups). He hid the snickers bars. They are unfindable. That makes me sad and kinda glad.
On the Grandbaby Front: My grandson, who is getting ready to turn 1, had his picture taken. Is it wrong to want to buy every package cause he is so darn cute? Do you think I could get a bank loan to purchase the million dollars of pictures I want? Oh...the parents are kinda cute too. My other grandson,who seems to be alot like his grandma, will pee in the potty lots of time for pieces of candy corn. Maybe I should ask my husband if I pee in the potty will that score me one of those hidden snickers bars.
1/2 Marathon Training Update: My IT band hurts...hurt at mile 8 on my long run with 3 more miles to go. Lucky for me I have a plodding buddy that has the patience of a saint. The last three miles were walk, run, stretch, repeat. I FINISHED the route and to me, with the burning in my leg, that was what counted. I have been rolling my IT band on that devil of a roller twice a day. Yesterday did three miles with no pain. For all the pain it causes while rolling it better be working. 1/2 marathon November 7! This weeks long run 11.5 miles. I don't understand why I do all this exercise and am not losing weight when I eat lots better then most people (but not as good as some). I think it is all my weekends...I need to control my weekend food and eat more like I do during the week but then again what fun is that?
Overheard at my house: "This is rather disturbing" said by Kendra while I was doing my inner peace stretches in front of her. "Welcome to my world" response of Kendra's father/my hubby
"We are going for a walk and you two can't go" said by grandson as he pointed to his mother and grandfather while we were getting ready to go for our after dinner walk.
"I am not tired, I don't wanna go night night" said about 30 seconds before my grandson fell asleep.
"What do you want for breakfast" uttered by Grandma "Candy Corn" response by grandson "Don't tell your Mom though" response by Grandma (fyi later we actually had a real breakfast)
"Where did you put the snickers bars?" guess who said this..."Why do you want to know" said by the hider of the snickers bars.
On the home front:My husband bought snickers bars last week (which I might add is the best candy in the ENTIRE world..followed closely by reece cups). He hid the snickers bars. They are unfindable. That makes me sad and kinda glad.
On the Grandbaby Front: My grandson, who is getting ready to turn 1, had his picture taken. Is it wrong to want to buy every package cause he is so darn cute? Do you think I could get a bank loan to purchase the million dollars of pictures I want? Oh...the parents are kinda cute too. My other grandson,who seems to be alot like his grandma, will pee in the potty lots of time for pieces of candy corn. Maybe I should ask my husband if I pee in the potty will that score me one of those hidden snickers bars.
1/2 Marathon Training Update: My IT band hurts...hurt at mile 8 on my long run with 3 more miles to go. Lucky for me I have a plodding buddy that has the patience of a saint. The last three miles were walk, run, stretch, repeat. I FINISHED the route and to me, with the burning in my leg, that was what counted. I have been rolling my IT band on that devil of a roller twice a day. Yesterday did three miles with no pain. For all the pain it causes while rolling it better be working. 1/2 marathon November 7! This weeks long run 11.5 miles. I don't understand why I do all this exercise and am not losing weight when I eat lots better then most people (but not as good as some). I think it is all my weekends...I need to control my weekend food and eat more like I do during the week but then again what fun is that?
Overheard at my house: "This is rather disturbing" said by Kendra while I was doing my inner peace stretches in front of her. "Welcome to my world" response of Kendra's father/my hubby
"We are going for a walk and you two can't go" said by grandson as he pointed to his mother and grandfather while we were getting ready to go for our after dinner walk.
"I am not tired, I don't wanna go night night" said about 30 seconds before my grandson fell asleep.
"What do you want for breakfast" uttered by Grandma "Candy Corn" response by grandson "Don't tell your Mom though" response by Grandma (fyi later we actually had a real breakfast)
"Where did you put the snickers bars?" guess who said this..."Why do you want to know" said by the hider of the snickers bars.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Things I learned from Girls Weekend
1) 20 year old girls do not need sleep. They will stay up till 2:00 a.m in the morning and sleep in to 9:00 a.m. Woman in their 40's like to go to bed at 9:00 p.m and get up 5:00 a.m.
2) Going up 11 flights of stair to go down and 11 story slide is hard work and will make you break a sweat.
3) A woman in her 40's ( I might add LATE 40s) can actually get up the stairs easier then women in their 20's
4) Sleeping with your shoes under your pillow cause you are scared the 20 year old women will lace your shoes upside down AGAIN, will give you a neck ache.
5) Two computer addicts cannot share one laptop.
6) Never trust someone who is laughing hysterically in the back seat of the car when you are in the front seat. (if anyone wants to know specifics please ask Kim)
7) Three adult women can have just as much fun at the STL city museum as 11 year old children.
8) It is scary to run downtown St. Louis. The result of fear is turning around at the quarter mile mark going back to the hotel lobby and having pastries and coffee.
9) Having pastries and coffee instead of running will make one's pants hard to button.
10) If people are walking by your bed going "shhhhh your gonna wake her"...they are probably gonna do something to you.
11) A city that boasts about its culture is probably not going to have an outlet mall close by.
12) Mile High Pie does not actually mean it is mile high.
13) If you hunker down in a corner at the tip top of a high building cause you are scared to death, you will get laughed at and have your picture taken and slapped onto an internet page.
14) A Girls Weekend is good for the soul.
2) Going up 11 flights of stair to go down and 11 story slide is hard work and will make you break a sweat.
3) A woman in her 40's ( I might add LATE 40s) can actually get up the stairs easier then women in their 20's
4) Sleeping with your shoes under your pillow cause you are scared the 20 year old women will lace your shoes upside down AGAIN, will give you a neck ache.
5) Two computer addicts cannot share one laptop.
6) Never trust someone who is laughing hysterically in the back seat of the car when you are in the front seat. (if anyone wants to know specifics please ask Kim)
7) Three adult women can have just as much fun at the STL city museum as 11 year old children.
8) It is scary to run downtown St. Louis. The result of fear is turning around at the quarter mile mark going back to the hotel lobby and having pastries and coffee.
9) Having pastries and coffee instead of running will make one's pants hard to button.
10) If people are walking by your bed going "shhhhh your gonna wake her"...they are probably gonna do something to you.
11) A city that boasts about its culture is probably not going to have an outlet mall close by.
12) Mile High Pie does not actually mean it is mile high.
13) If you hunker down in a corner at the tip top of a high building cause you are scared to death, you will get laughed at and have your picture taken and slapped onto an internet page.
14) A Girls Weekend is good for the soul.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
I wanna Ponytail too
My grandson who is just getting ready to turn 3 loves to do what everyone else is doing...when Grandpa goes to the shed to work..Adam wants to go the shed to work...when Grandma is cooking in the kitchen...Adam wants to cook in the kitchen...when Baby Keaton is crawling around on the floor...Adam wants to crawl around on the floor....sooooo when Grandma says to granddaughter Carissa "Do you want Grandma to put your hair up in a ponytail" that opened a Pandora's box...Adams yells while rubbing his buzz cut..."I wanna ponytail in my hair too!" I look at him and CALMLY state "Boys don't wear ponytails" Now I know this statement might cause a flap but I DO NOT LIKE LONG HAIR ON MEN OR BOYS (unless it is Jon Bon Jovi)My boys never had long hair, my husband has short hair and to this day they keep themselves sheared pretty close. At any rate this statement of reason did not sit well with my little man, who once again insisted that he have a ponytail like "Rissa" and that he too wanted a butterfly barrett. I again stated "Boys don't wear ponytails AND you don't have enough hair to have a ponytail" All my statement did was elicit sobs of dispair. However, being the veteran of many mother/son wars I had just the solution...how about we have a popcicle. Sobbing stopped immediately.A request was made for an orange popcicle..all was well with the world...on a side note not only did "Rissa" get a ponytail and a butterfly barret, she too scored an orange popcicle.
Baby Keaton is now set loose on the world....just shy a couple of weeks from 10 months old...is now toddling around the living room. He is a rough and tumble boy he falls over all the toys (that I might add are the ones he has thrown from the toybox)and just picks himself up toddles off again..He tends to like to toddle over by the coffee table and end table where he has more then once found a stray cheese nip or two. He loves to have Grandma pull him in the wagon. He will ride in the wagon for HOURS! Our perfect evenings are long walks around the neighborhood and then we sit on my porch swing and sings songs and I swing him till he falls asleep and then we just swing on the porch in quiet..just Grandma and her little man.
Carissa spent the morning and afternoon with us last week....I love having a granddaughter! She will be 4 in January and she loves the mall with all her little heart. When I asked her if she wanted to go to the mall, her eyes lit up. I asked her what she wanted to buy from the mall and she says..."A Dress...a princess dress" well we could not find an exact princess dress but we did find a dress with polka dots and a cupcake which she loved...she also got 2 new pair of shoes, a pair of jeans, two new shirts, new DORA underwear (which as soon as her Dad came to pick up her up, she proudly lifted her dress and exclaimed "I got new Dora panties". Her father said she shouldn't show people her new panties, it would be a better idea just to TELL people she got new Dora panties. She also got some new barretts and some baby bling (major sequined bracelets). I think having a granddaughter is very bad on my Visa balance.
Tyson has started middle school. It seems just the other day he came into our lives. I still remember the first time I met him. His mother was dating my son and my son brought her over to our house on halloween with Tyson. They were standing in the yard talking and Ty was getting antsy (as he was only around 4 yrs old and four year olds don't like to stand around especially when they have a bucket for collecting candy.) I look at Tyson and say "Would you like me to walk you down our street while your Mom is talking?" He slipped his little hand in mine and said "Yes, please" and I loved him from that moment on. Now he is a middle schooler and doesn't hold my hand anymore but he still hugs me and tells me he loves me.
Death Run Training Update:
8.66 miles...slow and easy and quite enjoyable...could actually have gone another mile with no great distress. The morning was cool and we had a slight wind that kept us cool...My running buddy had to make a pit stop...the only pit stop was Burger King...I told him just our luck someone would see us going into Burger King and think we were going for the biscuits and gravy instead of doing our long run...if anyone saw us go into Burger King this morning...I swear the only thing we did was use the bathroom.
Biking
Last Sunday we road to Brookston and back...all country roads..total milage around 34 miles. We stopped at a nice little icecream shop and had some yummy icecream...I had blueberry waffle cone crunch...mmmmmm so good and the scoop was huge and only 1.75. However, we burned all the calories from our icecream off as we battled head on wind for the 16 mile trip back home. I might add it was also over 90 degrees that day and our ride started at 12:30 in the afternoon.
Next bike route will be to Linden to the Lindy Freeze...about a 40 mile route...who doesn't love a bike ride that involves icecream?
Girls Going Wild:
It is time for the annual Girls Weekend! St. Louis is our destination! The fathers are probably not as excited as we are cause they will be all on their own...well they got Grandpa backup and actually he is almost better then Grandma backup! Good Luck Guys!
Our Family is Nuts:
I have a wedding dress in my closet. It was suppose to be Kendra's then she changed her mind...she still got married...just did not wear this dress. I told her she should try to sell it and if she did she could use that money for our girls weekend. So she gets it out and she decides that Tasha (yes our skinny itty bitty little Tasha) should model it for the picture and Kendra would entitle her sale..."Wedding Dress...Must Sell...Lost Weight" So it is now listed on Craigs list. with a photo of Tasha swamped in layers of white fabric (no offense Kendra) we will probably get more requests on how did Tasha loose weight(this girl has never been fat a minute of her life...not even when pregnant with an almost 10 pound baby) then offers on the dress.
Over and out for now...time to refuel my jelly belly after this mornings run with some power food...okay I lie I am gonna have a pancake.
Baby Keaton is now set loose on the world....just shy a couple of weeks from 10 months old...is now toddling around the living room. He is a rough and tumble boy he falls over all the toys (that I might add are the ones he has thrown from the toybox)and just picks himself up toddles off again..He tends to like to toddle over by the coffee table and end table where he has more then once found a stray cheese nip or two. He loves to have Grandma pull him in the wagon. He will ride in the wagon for HOURS! Our perfect evenings are long walks around the neighborhood and then we sit on my porch swing and sings songs and I swing him till he falls asleep and then we just swing on the porch in quiet..just Grandma and her little man.
Carissa spent the morning and afternoon with us last week....I love having a granddaughter! She will be 4 in January and she loves the mall with all her little heart. When I asked her if she wanted to go to the mall, her eyes lit up. I asked her what she wanted to buy from the mall and she says..."A Dress...a princess dress" well we could not find an exact princess dress but we did find a dress with polka dots and a cupcake which she loved...she also got 2 new pair of shoes, a pair of jeans, two new shirts, new DORA underwear (which as soon as her Dad came to pick up her up, she proudly lifted her dress and exclaimed "I got new Dora panties". Her father said she shouldn't show people her new panties, it would be a better idea just to TELL people she got new Dora panties. She also got some new barretts and some baby bling (major sequined bracelets). I think having a granddaughter is very bad on my Visa balance.
Tyson has started middle school. It seems just the other day he came into our lives. I still remember the first time I met him. His mother was dating my son and my son brought her over to our house on halloween with Tyson. They were standing in the yard talking and Ty was getting antsy (as he was only around 4 yrs old and four year olds don't like to stand around especially when they have a bucket for collecting candy.) I look at Tyson and say "Would you like me to walk you down our street while your Mom is talking?" He slipped his little hand in mine and said "Yes, please" and I loved him from that moment on. Now he is a middle schooler and doesn't hold my hand anymore but he still hugs me and tells me he loves me.
Death Run Training Update:
8.66 miles...slow and easy and quite enjoyable...could actually have gone another mile with no great distress. The morning was cool and we had a slight wind that kept us cool...My running buddy had to make a pit stop...the only pit stop was Burger King...I told him just our luck someone would see us going into Burger King and think we were going for the biscuits and gravy instead of doing our long run...if anyone saw us go into Burger King this morning...I swear the only thing we did was use the bathroom.
Biking
Last Sunday we road to Brookston and back...all country roads..total milage around 34 miles. We stopped at a nice little icecream shop and had some yummy icecream...I had blueberry waffle cone crunch...mmmmmm so good and the scoop was huge and only 1.75. However, we burned all the calories from our icecream off as we battled head on wind for the 16 mile trip back home. I might add it was also over 90 degrees that day and our ride started at 12:30 in the afternoon.
Next bike route will be to Linden to the Lindy Freeze...about a 40 mile route...who doesn't love a bike ride that involves icecream?
Girls Going Wild:
It is time for the annual Girls Weekend! St. Louis is our destination! The fathers are probably not as excited as we are cause they will be all on their own...well they got Grandpa backup and actually he is almost better then Grandma backup! Good Luck Guys!
Our Family is Nuts:
I have a wedding dress in my closet. It was suppose to be Kendra's then she changed her mind...she still got married...just did not wear this dress. I told her she should try to sell it and if she did she could use that money for our girls weekend. So she gets it out and she decides that Tasha (yes our skinny itty bitty little Tasha) should model it for the picture and Kendra would entitle her sale..."Wedding Dress...Must Sell...Lost Weight" So it is now listed on Craigs list. with a photo of Tasha swamped in layers of white fabric (no offense Kendra) we will probably get more requests on how did Tasha loose weight(this girl has never been fat a minute of her life...not even when pregnant with an almost 10 pound baby) then offers on the dress.
Over and out for now...time to refuel my jelly belly after this mornings run with some power food...okay I lie I am gonna have a pancake.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
These are a few of my favorite things...
Watching my husband play with our grandchildren
Hearing my grandson, Adam say, "Love you Newma"
Holding my grandson, Keaton while he sleeps in my arms on the porch swing.
Having my granddaughter,Carissa, run toward me saying "Can I sit on your lap Grandma"
Having my 11 year old grandson, Tyson , hug me..because soon he will be at an age that he will not want to hug Grandma.
Hearing my Mom say "I worked really hard at the Y today"
Running in the early morning hours with my friends, while the rest of the world sleeps.
Biking Sunday afternoons on county roads.
The smell of a campfire.
New loaded music on my MP3 player.
Road Trips
Old country songs
The smell of leaves in the fall.
Fall Festivals
Hearing my grandson, Adam say, "Love you Newma"
Holding my grandson, Keaton while he sleeps in my arms on the porch swing.
Having my granddaughter,Carissa, run toward me saying "Can I sit on your lap Grandma"
Having my 11 year old grandson, Tyson , hug me..because soon he will be at an age that he will not want to hug Grandma.
Hearing my Mom say "I worked really hard at the Y today"
Running in the early morning hours with my friends, while the rest of the world sleeps.
Biking Sunday afternoons on county roads.
The smell of a campfire.
New loaded music on my MP3 player.
Road Trips
Old country songs
The smell of leaves in the fall.
Fall Festivals
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT
I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT I FORGOT HOW HARD IT WAS TO TRAIN FOR A HALF.
Last Friday I was checking out the calendar to see how many weeks before Christmas (I know I know it is a little insane) and discovered not only was it time to start listening to Christmas music (cause it takes a while to build myself up to my Christmas frenzy) but I have a half marathon in 14 weeks.EGADS I had not even begun to train! I have been taking lazy daisy plods around Lafayette with not a thought of plodding an inch more then 6 miles. Poor Jill almost fell over when her Garmin gave its little ting a ling for mile 6 and I stopped dead in my tracks.
This weekend Jeff agreed to accompany me on my Saturday plod of pain. As we started I casually asked if he was doing the half in November. He affirmed that yes he to would be participating in the 13 mile death shuffle. So once again (casually) I state "Well we better start training...oh yeah we gotta start today" So off we went on our pain of plod. 7 miles of ups and down ( I might add that right at the start we had hills).. in the humidity ( I should not complain because Runner Susan runs in the depths of Hell a/k/a Texas in the summer), and in the early morning with NO COFFEE (the world is an ugly brutual place without coffee), with legs that have not gone more then 6 miles in over a year (and stop instantly upon mile 6 all on their own), with my fat little belly (compliments of Magnifco Pizza), and a brain that has been conditioned to think of 6 miles as a "Long Run". So with all those things against me...you know its gonna be brutal...who knew that 1 tiny little mile would make such a big difference. Mile 7, I was crying on the inside and whining on the outside. Once again I was doubting my sanity...WHO IN THE WORLD DOES THIS FOR FUN...WHY AM I DOING THIS? IT HURTS!
I still don't know the answer to that. After all my family will love me whether I do a half marathon or not(my husband might even love me more if I don't cause then the housework MIGHT get done). It's not going to get me a promotion or raise at work...I am not going to earn a million dollars for it (okay not even one dollar)and it certainly (this has been proven in the past) will not make me look like Shakira. So why why why do I torture myself?
Perhaps I am trying to make myself suffer to pay back for the wrongs I have committed in my past life....like making my baby sister take a bite of the tomato worm (which I might add she has never forgoten and still randomly brings up..I am pretty sure she has NOT forgiven me)or perhaps it is the time I beat the little mouse to death that had the nerve to nest in my Halloween decorations ( I was pretty proud of myself that I was fast enough to chase it down and then KILL it...Mom if you reading this...know that IF the mouse had not crossed into my domain and was merely wondering around in the back yard then he would still be alive today)
So for my wrongs on Saturday I plodded 7 miles and then walked almost 2 miles. Sunday afternoon biked 25 miles with my Y friends and one mother of a Y friend (Chloe you ROCK)...
Result of Half Marathon Training Week One: if you have the following totals 17 miles plodding, walk 5 miles and bike 50 miles..do not eat Magnifco Pizza, do not indulge in Frosty consumption, do not repeatedly raid husband's stash of snicker bars, cookies and doughnuts then you will be rewarded with a loss of three pounds (despite eating lunch Saturday at Dog and Suds and having an honest to goodness rootbeer laden with sugar)
Family Update:
Adam: is doing his business in the potty....well most of his business...
Keaton: has two teeth and is cutting three more all at once...and he is still pretty happy...I think he is happy cause he knows the teeth mean COOKIES!
Denise: Needs poker intervention
The Slug: GOING TO THE Y AND WORKING ON BECOMING UNSLUGIFIED
Last Friday I was checking out the calendar to see how many weeks before Christmas (I know I know it is a little insane) and discovered not only was it time to start listening to Christmas music (cause it takes a while to build myself up to my Christmas frenzy) but I have a half marathon in 14 weeks.EGADS I had not even begun to train! I have been taking lazy daisy plods around Lafayette with not a thought of plodding an inch more then 6 miles. Poor Jill almost fell over when her Garmin gave its little ting a ling for mile 6 and I stopped dead in my tracks.
This weekend Jeff agreed to accompany me on my Saturday plod of pain. As we started I casually asked if he was doing the half in November. He affirmed that yes he to would be participating in the 13 mile death shuffle. So once again (casually) I state "Well we better start training...oh yeah we gotta start today" So off we went on our pain of plod. 7 miles of ups and down ( I might add that right at the start we had hills).. in the humidity ( I should not complain because Runner Susan runs in the depths of Hell a/k/a Texas in the summer), and in the early morning with NO COFFEE (the world is an ugly brutual place without coffee), with legs that have not gone more then 6 miles in over a year (and stop instantly upon mile 6 all on their own), with my fat little belly (compliments of Magnifco Pizza), and a brain that has been conditioned to think of 6 miles as a "Long Run". So with all those things against me...you know its gonna be brutal...who knew that 1 tiny little mile would make such a big difference. Mile 7, I was crying on the inside and whining on the outside. Once again I was doubting my sanity...WHO IN THE WORLD DOES THIS FOR FUN...WHY AM I DOING THIS? IT HURTS!
I still don't know the answer to that. After all my family will love me whether I do a half marathon or not(my husband might even love me more if I don't cause then the housework MIGHT get done). It's not going to get me a promotion or raise at work...I am not going to earn a million dollars for it (okay not even one dollar)and it certainly (this has been proven in the past) will not make me look like Shakira. So why why why do I torture myself?
Perhaps I am trying to make myself suffer to pay back for the wrongs I have committed in my past life....like making my baby sister take a bite of the tomato worm (which I might add she has never forgoten and still randomly brings up..I am pretty sure she has NOT forgiven me)or perhaps it is the time I beat the little mouse to death that had the nerve to nest in my Halloween decorations ( I was pretty proud of myself that I was fast enough to chase it down and then KILL it...Mom if you reading this...know that IF the mouse had not crossed into my domain and was merely wondering around in the back yard then he would still be alive today)
So for my wrongs on Saturday I plodded 7 miles and then walked almost 2 miles. Sunday afternoon biked 25 miles with my Y friends and one mother of a Y friend (Chloe you ROCK)...
Result of Half Marathon Training Week One: if you have the following totals 17 miles plodding, walk 5 miles and bike 50 miles..do not eat Magnifco Pizza, do not indulge in Frosty consumption, do not repeatedly raid husband's stash of snicker bars, cookies and doughnuts then you will be rewarded with a loss of three pounds (despite eating lunch Saturday at Dog and Suds and having an honest to goodness rootbeer laden with sugar)
Family Update:
Adam: is doing his business in the potty....well most of his business...
Keaton: has two teeth and is cutting three more all at once...and he is still pretty happy...I think he is happy cause he knows the teeth mean COOKIES!
Denise: Needs poker intervention
The Slug: GOING TO THE Y AND WORKING ON BECOMING UNSLUGIFIED
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Tales from the Fat Side
Vacation + Food= Slow Fat Kim
I am back from my vacation. Unfortunately my vacation consisted of much dining out which then results in my whining about how hard it is to run when one is carrying Wendys, Cici's Pizza, Pizza King, etc...around one's big old gut. Lucky for me I have running buddies that will run with me whether I am slow or slower.
I spent a long weekend at Brown County browsing thru stores where items were tagged $$+. I might add there were several bric a brac items that I swear I have seen on the Dollar tree shelf that were now sitting on the shelf of a rustic boutique for like a 200% markup. I guess cheap looking ceremic pineapple pitchers have become all the trend so they can be marked $29.00. Alas I have never been one of those homey woman that can take ceremic bric a brac, ivy and dried flowers and make a home look like a Better Homes and Gardens show place. The only thing I really really wanted was the doormat that says "Don't forget to wipe" but I wanted it for my bathroom...cause I am kinda lovin the bathroom humor... I also wanted to get my daughter the tee shirt that had a mother holding a screaming child, surrounded by overflowing laundry and a sink full of dishes that said "Life is Crap". I guess it is a good thing I have my husband because he keeps me from buying stuff like that. Yep Tacky is my middle name. Well all in all it was a good weekend. Returned home and spend the rest of my vacation doing "Camp Grandma". Movies, bowling, Monkey Joes...pizza, pizza, fast food...okay I guess it was not Brown County that made me fat...it was "Camp Grandma". More to follow.
I am back from my vacation. Unfortunately my vacation consisted of much dining out which then results in my whining about how hard it is to run when one is carrying Wendys, Cici's Pizza, Pizza King, etc...around one's big old gut. Lucky for me I have running buddies that will run with me whether I am slow or slower.
I spent a long weekend at Brown County browsing thru stores where items were tagged $$+. I might add there were several bric a brac items that I swear I have seen on the Dollar tree shelf that were now sitting on the shelf of a rustic boutique for like a 200% markup. I guess cheap looking ceremic pineapple pitchers have become all the trend so they can be marked $29.00. Alas I have never been one of those homey woman that can take ceremic bric a brac, ivy and dried flowers and make a home look like a Better Homes and Gardens show place. The only thing I really really wanted was the doormat that says "Don't forget to wipe" but I wanted it for my bathroom...cause I am kinda lovin the bathroom humor... I also wanted to get my daughter the tee shirt that had a mother holding a screaming child, surrounded by overflowing laundry and a sink full of dishes that said "Life is Crap". I guess it is a good thing I have my husband because he keeps me from buying stuff like that. Yep Tacky is my middle name. Well all in all it was a good weekend. Returned home and spend the rest of my vacation doing "Camp Grandma". Movies, bowling, Monkey Joes...pizza, pizza, fast food...okay I guess it was not Brown County that made me fat...it was "Camp Grandma". More to follow.
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Puke, Fall on the Ground or Keep on Plodding
This mornings run: HARD. I did not feel good. I could not decide which I was more inclined to do...puke or just throw myself down on the ground. Kris told me I could not throw myself on the ground because she was not, whether the scales are down or not(please see side bar weight ticker on blog), carrying my sorry butt back to the car...so I kept going..I had to walk a couple of times because I was sweating buckets, which felt to me like the nasty bacteria that is making me ill was making a hasty retreat from my unwilling host body. At one time I declared I was gonna "cut it short". To which Jill says "How about you finish the 6 and we will just slow it down." Because I am easily influenced by peer pressure I continued on. Now you all know about my mad passion for my caffine fix(actually dominates my mad passion for cookies). Me, lover of coffee, woman who would hand over her very last dollar for just sip of Joe, woman who would actually sign over her parental rights for a good cup of coffee (okay I admit when my kids were young I probably would have done that for absolutely nothing)ordered just a SMALL coffee after this mornings run...now that ladies and gentlemen is when you know Kimmie is actually sick and not slacking.
Spring Fling: Spring Fling is today..in just hours my yard will be filled with children running amuck as they gather their easter eggs. Before they get here I should probably do poop and scoop duty as the dog has also been running amuck in the yard. I don't think I will get high Grandma/Aunt marks if the children are coated with sticky candy and dog poo.
Have a great week all and for those of you that are fighting the battle...keep on fighting!
Spring Fling: Spring Fling is today..in just hours my yard will be filled with children running amuck as they gather their easter eggs. Before they get here I should probably do poop and scoop duty as the dog has also been running amuck in the yard. I don't think I will get high Grandma/Aunt marks if the children are coated with sticky candy and dog poo.
Have a great week all and for those of you that are fighting the battle...keep on fighting!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Missionary of Fatness
I am an obese woman. It does not matter if I have lost over 100 pounds. It does not matter that I am currently losing. Always inside is the obese woman struggling to emerge. This is not said in jest. Unless you have been obese you will never truely fathom the depth of the struggle that I and others face every day of our lives. People have said that overeating is not an addiction. That overeating is nothing more then weakness of will. Overeating, in my case, is not just weakness of will. It is a fullblown addiction. There are days when I feel crazed with the need to eat. Not just eat a cookie or two, but to eat till excess, eat till most "normal" people would be puking their guts out. When I get to the "puking level" I feel good. I feel satisfied. I feel like a junkie who has long last gotten their fix. I read on another blog a saying that is so very true: "Smokers can keep their tiger in the cage, Overeaters have to take their tigers out of the cage three times a day" My tiger is currently on a leash when I take it out of it's cage. But every single day of my life I fear that MY tiger will again rip loose of it's leash and devour everything within it's sight and smell.
When I pass an extremely obese person. I want to cry. I want to rush to their side and hold them and tell them that it is okay. That there ARE others that know their struggle.
Currently I am working with a woman that is in the midst of the battle. I ache for her because I know she struggles every single day and there is absolutely nothing I can do for her other then to walk by her side as she begin the battle of obesity.
My friend Jill, who well knows my struggles, is the one who runs by my side to help me in my battle. Every day I thank God for my friends that walk and run by my side!Most of these people are soldiers...they fight the battle too.
I guess the point of this entire rambling paragraph is for those who have never been "Obese" to revisit your thoughts on the obese. If you pass a person on the street that is large...please don't assume that they are just "fat, lazy and lack self control" Please please understand that these people are in emotional AND physical pain.
My goal in life is to reach out to as many people as I can. To give them hope to not let them give up...
When I pass an extremely obese person. I want to cry. I want to rush to their side and hold them and tell them that it is okay. That there ARE others that know their struggle.
Currently I am working with a woman that is in the midst of the battle. I ache for her because I know she struggles every single day and there is absolutely nothing I can do for her other then to walk by her side as she begin the battle of obesity.
My friend Jill, who well knows my struggles, is the one who runs by my side to help me in my battle. Every day I thank God for my friends that walk and run by my side!Most of these people are soldiers...they fight the battle too.
I guess the point of this entire rambling paragraph is for those who have never been "Obese" to revisit your thoughts on the obese. If you pass a person on the street that is large...please don't assume that they are just "fat, lazy and lack self control" Please please understand that these people are in emotional AND physical pain.
My goal in life is to reach out to as many people as I can. To give them hope to not let them give up...
Sunday, March 08, 2009
What It Really Means
Said: It will be nice to run along the river.
What it really means: Maybe If I give her something new to look at she will stop whining about how this is going to kill her.
Said: I am really glad I came.
What it really means: This beats scrubbing out the toilet.
Said: Let's do 5 1/2 since we are feeling good.
What it Really Means: We're gonna do 6. I don't care if you feel like puking.
Said: Did you hear what I said?
What it Really Means: Hey I better get her to talk I think she is
blacking out.
Said: Kimmie you rock!
What it really means: I am really glad you didn't puke.
Said: Have a good today Kimmie!
What it Really Means: DO NOT EAT THREE BOXES OF THIN MINTS!
Said: See you next week
What it Really Means: I guess the toilet isn't gonna get cleaned next weekend either.
Fun Factor: 1000% (the mud added about 999% of the fun)
What it really means: Maybe If I give her something new to look at she will stop whining about how this is going to kill her.
Said: I am really glad I came.
What it really means: This beats scrubbing out the toilet.
Said: Let's do 5 1/2 since we are feeling good.
What it Really Means: We're gonna do 6. I don't care if you feel like puking.
Said: Did you hear what I said?
What it Really Means: Hey I better get her to talk I think she is
blacking out.
Said: Kimmie you rock!
What it really means: I am really glad you didn't puke.
Said: Have a good today Kimmie!
What it Really Means: DO NOT EAT THREE BOXES OF THIN MINTS!
Said: See you next week
What it Really Means: I guess the toilet isn't gonna get cleaned next weekend either.
Fun Factor: 1000% (the mud added about 999% of the fun)
Friday, February 20, 2009
Honesty---Its not for the Weak
Honesty is hard. Honesty is brutally. After almost a year of sludging thru plods I FINALLY ADMITTED IT. I, an already slow plodder, became EVEN MORE SLOW. Yes my pre mini injury started the ball rolling but now I am slow because I became a PUDGE! Please note on my side bar my accountablity ticker. I have rededicated myself to weight loss. No more weekend meals dining out. No more sneak away lunch time WHINE&DINES with my sister. No more Sara Lee in my freezer. And worse of all NO MORE NEVER ENDING SUPPLY OF COOKIES ( I might add I have made this declaration during my favorite time of year...GIRL SCOUT COOKIE TIME). I am allowed out to eat once every other week. That is a time that is looked upon with much anticipation, drooling and lustfully thoughts about decadent desserts. Several weeks ago my husband had told me he accepted a lunch invitation from one of the men at church. I was horrified, not because I don't like the man and his wife, because they are kind and funny people, but because this was not my designated week to eat out! I told my husband, "I can't do this because it is NOT the week for my dining out" My poor husband protests that he already accepted.I being the unyeilding, bossy woman that I am respond with "We will just have to uninvite ourselves" Fortunately for me I had just been talking to the gentleman's wife about my weight loss goals and my weight loss plan. When her husband told her we would all be going to lunch she told him we would be rescheduling because she knew it was not on my week to eat out. How can you not love a woman like that! At any rate, crisis was averted....that is until the weekend arrived and I realized that if I was dining with people that I don't know all that well that I would have to EAT POLITE LIKE A LADY. I complained and whined. I carried on like the world had come to an end (complete with nashing of teeth and thrashing of the head). I told my husband that "I DID NOT WANT TO EAT MY SPECIAL MEAL WITH PEOPLE I HAD TO BE POLITE WITH" I tell you I torture the poor man with my insanity. I was crazed at the thought thought of chewing each piece of food 100 times, of not being to order the 16 ounce big piece o' giant meat and having to order the ladies 6 ounce bit o meat. I was in tears at the thought of not being able to unhinge my jaw and devouring my steak in one bite. No desset. No rolls. No emptying the bucket of peanuts. Just polite lady like nibbles...I must say the story ends well. These people are not what I would call big eaters but they ordered an appetizer and seemed to quite enjoy it. While they did order a salad for dinner (I never really understand people that do this) they ATE EVERY BITE, which increased my comfort level by like a 1000%. There is nothing worse then eating dinner with someone who orders a salad and leaves half of it because THEY ARE STUFFED!So all in all my special treat was not quite the lost experience I thought it would be. However, next weekend is my dining out week and I making sure I go with someone from my family!
Grandchildren: Last weekend Jerry and were able to keep not 1, not 2, not 3 but all 4 of our beautiful grandchildren. That is a 3month old, a 2 year old, 3 year old and 11 year old. I got to say Jerry and I still have it! We managed all 4 children! However, Grandma refused to cook dinner and sent Grandpa for a McDonald's run.
MY SLACKER NEW WORKOUT BUDDY: My daughter and I have made an agreement to lose at least 25 pounds by the last day of spring. This will be done thru food control and EXERCISE. So my daughter somewhat hesitantly agrees to accompany me to the gym. Our first workout was successful. She worked hard and except for the comment of "Why can't I just have Lipo instead of doing this crap" seemed motiviated. The second workout she worked hard but was much more vocal in her dislike of sweating, exercise and again says "WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE LIPO". The third scheduled workout I have to call her and tell her I have to work late and will not be able to make it. She does not volunteer to go alone. She says good she did not feel like going anyway. I, one not to be distracted from my goal, quickly schedule our fourth workout...Saturday at 8:15. The response was "8:15 in the morning?" I should have known that things weren't going to go well after that remark. I affirm that yes that would be 8:15 AM. She agrees because 8:15 a.m does not feel so early at 7:00 at night when you are being asked. So the next morning my workout buddy strolls into the Y at 8:30 AM and declares it to be much to early to exercise and why do we have to do this at 8:15 in the morning. I smile and point out that it is not 8:15 it is now 8:30 a.m and say "cause you wanna go to your husband's highschool reunion". She responds by saying she has changed her mind and hubby can go by himself. My workout buddy begins the process of "Break the Trainer's Spirit" by walking on the treadmill slower then a 110 year old woman. As, I am nothing but persistant, I remove her from the treadmill and put her on the Precor. This was no more effective then the treadmill as she was using the console as a headrest. Okay maybe this isn't the week for cardio...so we do 15 minutes on the Precor in a mostly prone position and then hit the floor for a killer ab workout, or at least what I planned to be a killer Ab workout. Kendra likes the mats. She likes the mats for napping and stretching out on. Kendra does not like killer AB work in the morning anymore then she likes Cardio. Dejected I dismiss her from her workout. I have failed in my attempt to be a "Jillian". Kendra will be working out this weekend. I will give her a reprieve and she can do Saturday at 9:30. Surely 9:30 a.m. cannot be declared as "the middle of the night". Then as a special treat I will take her to the gym after I get off work at a "decent time". She will then pay a heavy price for the slacker workout she gave me on Saturday!
Grandchildren: Last weekend Jerry and were able to keep not 1, not 2, not 3 but all 4 of our beautiful grandchildren. That is a 3month old, a 2 year old, 3 year old and 11 year old. I got to say Jerry and I still have it! We managed all 4 children! However, Grandma refused to cook dinner and sent Grandpa for a McDonald's run.
MY SLACKER NEW WORKOUT BUDDY: My daughter and I have made an agreement to lose at least 25 pounds by the last day of spring. This will be done thru food control and EXERCISE. So my daughter somewhat hesitantly agrees to accompany me to the gym. Our first workout was successful. She worked hard and except for the comment of "Why can't I just have Lipo instead of doing this crap" seemed motiviated. The second workout she worked hard but was much more vocal in her dislike of sweating, exercise and again says "WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE LIPO". The third scheduled workout I have to call her and tell her I have to work late and will not be able to make it. She does not volunteer to go alone. She says good she did not feel like going anyway. I, one not to be distracted from my goal, quickly schedule our fourth workout...Saturday at 8:15. The response was "8:15 in the morning?" I should have known that things weren't going to go well after that remark. I affirm that yes that would be 8:15 AM. She agrees because 8:15 a.m does not feel so early at 7:00 at night when you are being asked. So the next morning my workout buddy strolls into the Y at 8:30 AM and declares it to be much to early to exercise and why do we have to do this at 8:15 in the morning. I smile and point out that it is not 8:15 it is now 8:30 a.m and say "cause you wanna go to your husband's highschool reunion". She responds by saying she has changed her mind and hubby can go by himself. My workout buddy begins the process of "Break the Trainer's Spirit" by walking on the treadmill slower then a 110 year old woman. As, I am nothing but persistant, I remove her from the treadmill and put her on the Precor. This was no more effective then the treadmill as she was using the console as a headrest. Okay maybe this isn't the week for cardio...so we do 15 minutes on the Precor in a mostly prone position and then hit the floor for a killer ab workout, or at least what I planned to be a killer Ab workout. Kendra likes the mats. She likes the mats for napping and stretching out on. Kendra does not like killer AB work in the morning anymore then she likes Cardio. Dejected I dismiss her from her workout. I have failed in my attempt to be a "Jillian". Kendra will be working out this weekend. I will give her a reprieve and she can do Saturday at 9:30. Surely 9:30 a.m. cannot be declared as "the middle of the night". Then as a special treat I will take her to the gym after I get off work at a "decent time". She will then pay a heavy price for the slacker workout she gave me on Saturday!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Cookie Withdrawl, Pants that Bind and Shirts that Gap
1,000,000 christmas cookies later and I am back to the world o'blog.
The result of consuming unlimited Christmas cookies is:
A) Cookie withdrawl that is way worse then any drug withdrawl. I want to throw myself down on the ground in a fit of hysteria as my body and mind scream for cookies. My mind cannot be tricked by giving it a cracker...it knows...it knows...
B) Pants that can only be fastened by an elaborate process of laying down on the bed, taking a BIG deep breath, holding holding holding, pulling pulling pulling...ahhhhh snapped...call for someone to help pull me upright...no one answers my plea for help...have to rock back and forth like a flipped Turtle till I manage to flip to my stomach, where I then use my awesome upper body strength to push myself up and off the bed. There is no bending during the first few weeks of cookie recovery, on the plus side my posture looks excellent from the inability to bed at the waist.
C)Shirts that now expose my bra. It was a cool look at 20...at 46 not so much.
What is the solution to over indulgence of cookies?
PLODDING, PLODDING AND MORE PLODDING.
Upon calculation of cookie calories consumed from the day before Thanksgiving to the 5th of January it has been determined that I would have to run to California, back home again and then down to Florida and back in order to break even.
Who you might ask would plod with a crazed with withdrawal cookie addict, none other then my Y friends who have gone with me thru thick and thin..no pun intended. Thanks to Jill who will run with me on Saturday when it is cold and icy and slippery, uncomplaining as we run at a snail's pace when she can run swift as a deer. Thanks to Jeff who will put aside his own training goals to run slowly with Kim cause the cookies are weighing her down. Thanks to Tim Slick who will run with Kim during the midweek slump, cause if she had to do it on her own...she wouldn't. So what a blessed girl cause I have an awesome Y family and an awesome biological family...
Things that are great about my family
1) I don't have to clean my house for them...cause none of them like to clean either
2)They all love food too, so they don't stare at me in horror when I down a cookie tray for five by myself. They actually are quite impressed.
3)They think it is funny when I eat to the point that I am rolling on the couch clutching my stomach.
4)Nobody minds that on account of our stupidness that it takes us an entire afternoon to play a Trivia game...however we do really good at cartoon, fast food and bodily function categories.
5)The adults like toys as much as the kids.
6)Eveyone has become a musical genius thanks to guitar hero and rock band...I dare the drummer of Def Lepard to challenge anyone in our family to a drum off.
7) When some of the family members get to take a trip to Vegas the others are not resentful and jealous.
8)Even if there was some family member who might be a teeny bit resentful and a tiny bit jealous cause they are not going to get to go to Vegas to see Stars of faded glory strut their stuff on stage,(not to be named cause I don't wanna get sued by faded stars) they will still watch their most adorable sweet grandson while the others go off for a funfilled weekend.
9)Family members that go away on funfilled trips leaving the not resentful and not jealous family members home ALWAYS remember to bring a little something home for those not resentful not jealous family members.
10)If someone in the family wins a million dollars at the casino they always pay off the other family members mortgages.
A Song of Christmas Gluttony:
On the first day of Christmas Kim began her feast by consuming an entire cheese ball.
On the Second day of Christmas Kim continues to feast swallowing a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Third day of Christmas Kim continues to feast devouring a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball
On the Fourth day of Chistmas Kim continues to feast eating a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Fifth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast nibbling thru a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Sixth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast by chowing down a 5 lb Honey Spiral Ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Seventh day of Christmas Kim continues to feast by ingesting a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Eighth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast by inhaling a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Ninth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast, her pants will not fasten but she still munches thru a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the tenth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast, shirt buttons a poppin, pants will not fasten but she still gobbles down a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the eleventh day of Christmas Kim continues to feast, a double chin a showing, shirt buttons are a poppin, pants will not fasten but she still wolfs down a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the twelth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast, plodding turn to walkin, a double chin a showing, shirt buttons are a poppin, pants will not fasten but she still wolfs down a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Fifth day of the New Year Kim no longer feasts, walking turns to plodding, double chin a fading, shirt buttons not a poppin, pants soon to fasten, mixed nuts to no nuts, pumpkin pie to yogurt, honey ham to Turkey, puppy chow to Special K, fannie mae to sugar free jello , cookie platter to veggie platter, pecan pie to sugar free pudding and alas cheese ball to fat free, milk free artificial cheese......
The result of consuming unlimited Christmas cookies is:
A) Cookie withdrawl that is way worse then any drug withdrawl. I want to throw myself down on the ground in a fit of hysteria as my body and mind scream for cookies. My mind cannot be tricked by giving it a cracker...it knows...it knows...
B) Pants that can only be fastened by an elaborate process of laying down on the bed, taking a BIG deep breath, holding holding holding, pulling pulling pulling...ahhhhh snapped...call for someone to help pull me upright...no one answers my plea for help...have to rock back and forth like a flipped Turtle till I manage to flip to my stomach, where I then use my awesome upper body strength to push myself up and off the bed. There is no bending during the first few weeks of cookie recovery, on the plus side my posture looks excellent from the inability to bed at the waist.
C)Shirts that now expose my bra. It was a cool look at 20...at 46 not so much.
What is the solution to over indulgence of cookies?
PLODDING, PLODDING AND MORE PLODDING.
Upon calculation of cookie calories consumed from the day before Thanksgiving to the 5th of January it has been determined that I would have to run to California, back home again and then down to Florida and back in order to break even.
Who you might ask would plod with a crazed with withdrawal cookie addict, none other then my Y friends who have gone with me thru thick and thin..no pun intended. Thanks to Jill who will run with me on Saturday when it is cold and icy and slippery, uncomplaining as we run at a snail's pace when she can run swift as a deer. Thanks to Jeff who will put aside his own training goals to run slowly with Kim cause the cookies are weighing her down. Thanks to Tim Slick who will run with Kim during the midweek slump, cause if she had to do it on her own...she wouldn't. So what a blessed girl cause I have an awesome Y family and an awesome biological family...
Things that are great about my family
1) I don't have to clean my house for them...cause none of them like to clean either
2)They all love food too, so they don't stare at me in horror when I down a cookie tray for five by myself. They actually are quite impressed.
3)They think it is funny when I eat to the point that I am rolling on the couch clutching my stomach.
4)Nobody minds that on account of our stupidness that it takes us an entire afternoon to play a Trivia game...however we do really good at cartoon, fast food and bodily function categories.
5)The adults like toys as much as the kids.
6)Eveyone has become a musical genius thanks to guitar hero and rock band...I dare the drummer of Def Lepard to challenge anyone in our family to a drum off.
7) When some of the family members get to take a trip to Vegas the others are not resentful and jealous.
8)Even if there was some family member who might be a teeny bit resentful and a tiny bit jealous cause they are not going to get to go to Vegas to see Stars of faded glory strut their stuff on stage,(not to be named cause I don't wanna get sued by faded stars) they will still watch their most adorable sweet grandson while the others go off for a funfilled weekend.
9)Family members that go away on funfilled trips leaving the not resentful and not jealous family members home ALWAYS remember to bring a little something home for those not resentful not jealous family members.
10)If someone in the family wins a million dollars at the casino they always pay off the other family members mortgages.
A Song of Christmas Gluttony:
On the first day of Christmas Kim began her feast by consuming an entire cheese ball.
On the Second day of Christmas Kim continues to feast swallowing a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Third day of Christmas Kim continues to feast devouring a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball
On the Fourth day of Chistmas Kim continues to feast eating a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Fifth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast nibbling thru a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Sixth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast by chowing down a 5 lb Honey Spiral Ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Seventh day of Christmas Kim continues to feast by ingesting a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Eighth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast by inhaling a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Ninth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast, her pants will not fasten but she still munches thru a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the tenth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast, shirt buttons a poppin, pants will not fasten but she still gobbles down a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the eleventh day of Christmas Kim continues to feast, a double chin a showing, shirt buttons are a poppin, pants will not fasten but she still wolfs down a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the twelth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast, plodding turn to walkin, a double chin a showing, shirt buttons are a poppin, pants will not fasten but she still wolfs down a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Fifth day of the New Year Kim no longer feasts, walking turns to plodding, double chin a fading, shirt buttons not a poppin, pants soon to fasten, mixed nuts to no nuts, pumpkin pie to yogurt, honey ham to Turkey, puppy chow to Special K, fannie mae to sugar free jello , cookie platter to veggie platter, pecan pie to sugar free pudding and alas cheese ball to fat free, milk free artificial cheese......
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