Camp Grandma

To get major Grandma love points I took my oldest Grandson to the local water park. Now, as you have probably heard before I am not a fan of water. I like water in my bathtub and in my waterbottle...other then that I have very little use for it. My attempts at swimming can mostly be described as a whole lot of flailing, even more splashing and getting absolutely no where. However, I love my grandson more then I dislike water and wanted him to have fun at his week of "Camp Grandma" so off we go...swimming suits on and lathered down with what I thought was an appropriate amount of sun screen for my cave white fish colored body. We get to the park and the boy is giddy with delight at the sight of the water slide. Grandma just kept thinking "Man that's a lot of steps to the top". But Grandma is a good sport if not a good athlete so she gamely steps into the lazy river...cause you gotta ride the lazy river to get to the water slide. Getting in the lazy river is not as easy as what you think cause you gotta load yourself onto a raft like doughnut or a plain old doughnut tube. My grandson just sticks it over his head and slides it down his body and then he can pull himself up and onto it. But for me that is a problem because that doughnut is not gonna fit over my somewhat generous form…the alternative is to hop on it. Now for a woman that is not graceful this is not a pretty sight. It involved a lot of hoisting, grunting and numerous slide offs before my bootie was wedged into the doughnut hole. Off I go, down the lazy river, to the off ramp to the water slide. Dismounting from the doughnut not much easier then wedging my self in, but with only the loss of my remaining dignity, I was able to pry myself out of the doughnut hole. This is the same doughnut hole that I would then have to rewedge myself back into once I climbed the bazillion steps to the top of the water slide. Water slide not so bad if you are a fan of being hurtled down a gushing tube full of water in the dark where at the end you are going to explode into yet more water, and probably be thrown from the tube. Surprise…I stayed in my tube…Not even the force of 1,000,000 gallons of water could unwedge me from my doughnut hole. So once again I had to flail, splash, grunt, hoist and wiggle to unwedge myself from the hole so that could climb out of the water slide water pit so that we could go on the water slide again. Finally Ty said he was ready to float around the river. I LOVE THE LAZY RIVER! All I needed was a good book and I could have floated for hours! But Grandsons have only so much interest in the lazy river and soon he was pulling me out of the lazy river to go explore the rest of the park. While Ty was going down the small water slide, Grandma had a chance to look around. Stay at home Mommies as far as the eye could see…all shapes and sizes…large mommies, large mommies in bikinis that should be wearing one pieces…skinny tan mommies that wore little teeny bikinis,..bikinies that were no bigger then the wet wipes they were carting in their diaper bags…medium sized mommies, tattooed mommies, bleached blond mommies that looked like they would be more at home on a stripper pole then in a baby wading pool…mommies mommies everywhere…most of them laying in the sun tanning themselves and napping while their children ran amuck. Why did not anyone tell me about the mommy hang out when I had young ones…I needed naps….I need to tell Amy and Kendra about the Mommy hang out…poor girls they actually play with and watch their children… Finally at 3:00 Ty and Grandma were done at the water park…and home they go…where Grandma spends 25 minutes trying to fit the bike tip onto the air compressor to air up Grandson’s tires so she can take him home via bike ride (which is how they got to Grandma’s) after 25 minutes and several phone calls to Grandpa and numerous not nice words flying thru Grandma‘s mind she finally figures it out. Grandma FINALLY airs up the tires and then lubes his chain and off they go to end the first day of Camp Grandma.

Please note that the amount of sunscreen slathered upon my person was insufficient resulting in one very fierce sunburn. Which conveniently was the cause of my inablity to run fast or long this morning. I think my sports bra ripped the raw burnt flesh from my body which caused a great deal of pain, which resulted in my legs refusing to move. MY INABILITY TO RUN WAS NOT CAUSED BY MY BELLY FAT OR MY LACK OF SKILL IT WAS ALL THE SUNBURN AS IT WILL BE TOMORROW.

Day Two: French toast, bacon and milk to start the camper’s day! A little computer time and off to see “The Dark Knight” which was an AWESOME MOVIE…Then home to play two games of Splat of which Grandma won a game and Tyson won a game. The championship game will be held tomorrow…stay tuned to see the exciting results of the Splat Championship Game.

Upcoming Events for Camp Grandma: Monster Golf and Chuckie Cheese.

I am taking applications for those of you that would like to attend next year’s Camp Grandma.

Flat on My Back and Looking Up at the Sky AGAIN

My husband and my children for my birthday made this little chubby girls heart beat with delight...did they gift me with a GIANT BOX O'Cookies, Did they take me to an all you can eat buffet, Did they let me eat m&m's and reece cups till I threw up. NO! Though those are some pretty fine things....they got me a DIAMOND BACK HYBRID BIKE! As my friend said, "Diamonds are a girls best friend" I LOVE MY BIKE! I got to take it out on a long ride this saturday and had an amazing time...Ride Route was 28 miles. I had to ride 4.44 miles to get to the starting point and 4.44 miles to get to the napping point..so all in all about 37 miles of outright fun. My friend Kris and her husband a/k/a the Ultimate Male hosted a preride bike clinic for those of us who can't change tires and a post breakfast ride. However once again I found myself on the ground looking up at the sky as I hit gravel and fell (according to my friend, Jill, in slooooowwww motion) I had enough sense to slow the bike down but not enough sense to take me feet out of the clips so once again I was on my back looking up at the sky with my bike on top of me. (the previous fall happened in my back yard while I was complaining, trying to adjust my bike pack and trying to stay on my bike) The first fall I just got grass stain because I wasn't moving and I landed in the west grass). This fall was complete with gravel in my legs and arms, and BLOOD....whooooo hooo I am an official biker now.

I did it I did it I did it!

I ran 5 miles with just 4 little walk breaks...no knee brace...with a sore back...and my leg does not hurt today! I am happy...oh so happpy and to top off my happy mood...I am invited to go on a 20 mile ride tomorrow and get to borrow my friends road bike so I don't give myself a heartattack riding on my 69.00 Walmart...its icing on the cake I till you...oh and I haven't eaten any cake since July 4...one week and cake free as of today! This girl is happppppy!

SNIPS AND SNAILS AND PUPPY DOG TAILS

That is what little boys are made of! Grandma is gonna have another little guy! James and Tasha's baby quite happily turned over and showed everyone in the family that baby Kaufman is BABY BOY KAUFMAN. Tasha, Kendra and myself are escaping town in two weeks to go hit the outlet malls so that little guy can be dressed in the finest sporting gear..PUMA. Tasha is looking quite adorable with her baby bump...but poor Tasha, unlike the rest of the woman in our family, is not use to having a stomach obstruction that blocks things like...hmmm tying one's shoes....tucking one's shirt in....buttoning pants on the first try...but hey she looks adorable even if she is a tad bit uncomfortable. I can't wait to have a whole yardful of little boys running amuck in Grandma's yard, begging for freezer pops and slamming my screen door as they run in and out to get the freezer pops...that's odd those are the very same things I use to tell my kids to STOP doing. They are still working on the name thing...which they better hurry up or I am gonna get in the habit of calling him little guy and then it will stick.

Plodding: My experience taken from a country song, sung by Rodney Atkins (slightly revised by the Queen of the Plodders): "If your going through hell, Keep on going, don't slow down,don't start walking, you might finish your route before you even know your there...Yeah, If you're going through hell, Keep on moving, face that fire, Plod right through it, you might even finish the route before your heart gives out"
Okay so I might be slightly exaggarating...slightly. I managed to plod thru 3.25 miles both last week and this week both on Monday...ask me how many times I stopped to walk. NONE I say NONE. Ask me how fast I was. NOT AT ALL NOT AT ALL. Wednesday I do walk runs and Thursdays are 2 miles with no walking. I am easing back into it because the ligament is still not healed completely. As long as I keep an IT band on while steadily plodding I feel no pain. I feel no pain without the IT band while walk running. But no IT band and steady plodding brings discomfort. Monday I forgot my band. I plodded with no walking and toward the end my knee was trying to make itself heard....I turned up my MP3 player to drown out the complaints of my knee and kept going.

Biking: I LOVE IT! I am having major bike lust and must must must have a road bike so I can keep up with my friends with real bikes. The plan is to do a 65 mile bike in August. Whooooo HOOOOOOOO!

4th of July: Picnic is at 4:00. Please come at 3:30 if you want to start playing some games...Euchre, Texas Holdem....James I aim to take a little of your money and you too Aunt Denise! I need to win some money because I need to buy more spic and span.

Housecleaning: I DID SOME! I had a bucket and some spic and span. My husband asks "What are you doing with bucket and spic and span" I answer in a some what offended voice, "I am making cleaning water". My shocked husband says, "To clean what?" I say, "Does it matter? I am cleaning something" The poor man, I think I shocked his system cause not only did I clean something but I cleaned the dirtest grossest something in our house...the laundry room...a/k/a dog area...a/k/a storage room AND we are not even having company. Well we are but the company coming is the same company that always comes and I NEVER clean house for them cause most of them are just as messy if not messier then I am. The week before when I cleaned he accused me of cleaning house because we had out of state company, but I tell you it was not true because where I cleaned they would never have even seen, unless I drug them into my bathroom and made them climb in the tub to look behind the blind at the window, that was by then cleaned.

Well must go for now time to improve my brain by reading a training manual for work.
Pictures to follow soon.