1,000,000 christmas cookies later and I am back to the world o'blog.
The result of consuming unlimited Christmas cookies is:
A) Cookie withdrawl that is way worse then any drug withdrawl. I want to throw myself down on the ground in a fit of hysteria as my body and mind scream for cookies. My mind cannot be tricked by giving it a cracker...it knows...it knows...
B) Pants that can only be fastened by an elaborate process of laying down on the bed, taking a BIG deep breath, holding holding holding, pulling pulling pulling...ahhhhh snapped...call for someone to help pull me upright...no one answers my plea for help...have to rock back and forth like a flipped Turtle till I manage to flip to my stomach, where I then use my awesome upper body strength to push myself up and off the bed. There is no bending during the first few weeks of cookie recovery, on the plus side my posture looks excellent from the inability to bed at the waist.
C)Shirts that now expose my bra. It was a cool look at 20...at 46 not so much.
What is the solution to over indulgence of cookies?
PLODDING, PLODDING AND MORE PLODDING.
Upon calculation of cookie calories consumed from the day before Thanksgiving to the 5th of January it has been determined that I would have to run to California, back home again and then down to Florida and back in order to break even.
Who you might ask would plod with a crazed with withdrawal cookie addict, none other then my Y friends who have gone with me thru thick and thin..no pun intended. Thanks to Jill who will run with me on Saturday when it is cold and icy and slippery, uncomplaining as we run at a snail's pace when she can run swift as a deer. Thanks to Jeff who will put aside his own training goals to run slowly with Kim cause the cookies are weighing her down. Thanks to Tim Slick who will run with Kim during the midweek slump, cause if she had to do it on her own...she wouldn't. So what a blessed girl cause I have an awesome Y family and an awesome biological family...
Things that are great about my family
1) I don't have to clean my house for them...cause none of them like to clean either
2)They all love food too, so they don't stare at me in horror when I down a cookie tray for five by myself. They actually are quite impressed.
3)They think it is funny when I eat to the point that I am rolling on the couch clutching my stomach.
4)Nobody minds that on account of our stupidness that it takes us an entire afternoon to play a Trivia game...however we do really good at cartoon, fast food and bodily function categories.
5)The adults like toys as much as the kids.
6)Eveyone has become a musical genius thanks to guitar hero and rock band...I dare the drummer of Def Lepard to challenge anyone in our family to a drum off.
7) When some of the family members get to take a trip to Vegas the others are not resentful and jealous.
8)Even if there was some family member who might be a teeny bit resentful and a tiny bit jealous cause they are not going to get to go to Vegas to see Stars of faded glory strut their stuff on stage,(not to be named cause I don't wanna get sued by faded stars) they will still watch their most adorable sweet grandson while the others go off for a funfilled weekend.
9)Family members that go away on funfilled trips leaving the not resentful and not jealous family members home ALWAYS remember to bring a little something home for those not resentful not jealous family members.
10)If someone in the family wins a million dollars at the casino they always pay off the other family members mortgages.
A Song of Christmas Gluttony:
On the first day of Christmas Kim began her feast by consuming an entire cheese ball.
On the Second day of Christmas Kim continues to feast swallowing a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Third day of Christmas Kim continues to feast devouring a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball
On the Fourth day of Chistmas Kim continues to feast eating a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Fifth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast nibbling thru a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Sixth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast by chowing down a 5 lb Honey Spiral Ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Seventh day of Christmas Kim continues to feast by ingesting a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Eighth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast by inhaling a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Ninth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast, her pants will not fasten but she still munches thru a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the tenth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast, shirt buttons a poppin, pants will not fasten but she still gobbles down a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the eleventh day of Christmas Kim continues to feast, a double chin a showing, shirt buttons are a poppin, pants will not fasten but she still wolfs down a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the twelth day of Christmas Kim continues to feast, plodding turn to walkin, a double chin a showing, shirt buttons are a poppin, pants will not fasten but she still wolfs down a 1 lb pound bag of mixed nuts, a large pumpkin pie, a 5 lb honey spiral ham, a bowl of puppy chow, a 2 lb box of fannie mae, a cookie platter made for five, a whole pecan pie and an entire cheese ball.
On the Fifth day of the New Year Kim no longer feasts, walking turns to plodding, double chin a fading, shirt buttons not a poppin, pants soon to fasten, mixed nuts to no nuts, pumpkin pie to yogurt, honey ham to Turkey, puppy chow to Special K, fannie mae to sugar free jello , cookie platter to veggie platter, pecan pie to sugar free pudding and alas cheese ball to fat free, milk free artificial cheese......
