Camp Grandma

To get major Grandma love points I took my oldest Grandson to the local water park. Now, as you have probably heard before I am not a fan of water. I like water in my bathtub and in my waterbottle...other then that I have very little use for it. My attempts at swimming can mostly be described as a whole lot of flailing, even more splashing and getting absolutely no where. However, I love my grandson more then I dislike water and wanted him to have fun at his week of "Camp Grandma" so off we go...swimming suits on and lathered down with what I thought was an appropriate amount of sun screen for my cave white fish colored body. We get to the park and the boy is giddy with delight at the sight of the water slide. Grandma just kept thinking "Man that's a lot of steps to the top". But Grandma is a good sport if not a good athlete so she gamely steps into the lazy river...cause you gotta ride the lazy river to get to the water slide. Getting in the lazy river is not as easy as what you think cause you gotta load yourself onto a raft like doughnut or a plain old doughnut tube. My grandson just sticks it over his head and slides it down his body and then he can pull himself up and onto it. But for me that is a problem because that doughnut is not gonna fit over my somewhat generous form…the alternative is to hop on it. Now for a woman that is not graceful this is not a pretty sight. It involved a lot of hoisting, grunting and numerous slide offs before my bootie was wedged into the doughnut hole. Off I go, down the lazy river, to the off ramp to the water slide. Dismounting from the doughnut not much easier then wedging my self in, but with only the loss of my remaining dignity, I was able to pry myself out of the doughnut hole. This is the same doughnut hole that I would then have to rewedge myself back into once I climbed the bazillion steps to the top of the water slide. Water slide not so bad if you are a fan of being hurtled down a gushing tube full of water in the dark where at the end you are going to explode into yet more water, and probably be thrown from the tube. Surprise…I stayed in my tube…Not even the force of 1,000,000 gallons of water could unwedge me from my doughnut hole. So once again I had to flail, splash, grunt, hoist and wiggle to unwedge myself from the hole so that could climb out of the water slide water pit so that we could go on the water slide again. Finally Ty said he was ready to float around the river. I LOVE THE LAZY RIVER! All I needed was a good book and I could have floated for hours! But Grandsons have only so much interest in the lazy river and soon he was pulling me out of the lazy river to go explore the rest of the park. While Ty was going down the small water slide, Grandma had a chance to look around. Stay at home Mommies as far as the eye could see…all shapes and sizes…large mommies, large mommies in bikinis that should be wearing one pieces…skinny tan mommies that wore little teeny bikinis,..bikinies that were no bigger then the wet wipes they were carting in their diaper bags…medium sized mommies, tattooed mommies, bleached blond mommies that looked like they would be more at home on a stripper pole then in a baby wading pool…mommies mommies everywhere…most of them laying in the sun tanning themselves and napping while their children ran amuck. Why did not anyone tell me about the mommy hang out when I had young ones…I needed naps….I need to tell Amy and Kendra about the Mommy hang out…poor girls they actually play with and watch their children… Finally at 3:00 Ty and Grandma were done at the water park…and home they go…where Grandma spends 25 minutes trying to fit the bike tip onto the air compressor to air up Grandson’s tires so she can take him home via bike ride (which is how they got to Grandma’s) after 25 minutes and several phone calls to Grandpa and numerous not nice words flying thru Grandma‘s mind she finally figures it out. Grandma FINALLY airs up the tires and then lubes his chain and off they go to end the first day of Camp Grandma.

Please note that the amount of sunscreen slathered upon my person was insufficient resulting in one very fierce sunburn. Which conveniently was the cause of my inablity to run fast or long this morning. I think my sports bra ripped the raw burnt flesh from my body which caused a great deal of pain, which resulted in my legs refusing to move. MY INABILITY TO RUN WAS NOT CAUSED BY MY BELLY FAT OR MY LACK OF SKILL IT WAS ALL THE SUNBURN AS IT WILL BE TOMORROW.

Day Two: French toast, bacon and milk to start the camper’s day! A little computer time and off to see “The Dark Knight” which was an AWESOME MOVIE…Then home to play two games of Splat of which Grandma won a game and Tyson won a game. The championship game will be held tomorrow…stay tuned to see the exciting results of the Splat Championship Game.

Upcoming Events for Camp Grandma: Monster Golf and Chuckie Cheese.

I am taking applications for those of you that would like to attend next year’s Camp Grandma.