Monday, July 26, 2010

Things you Should Not Say or Do to a Woman Going Through Menopause

1)When you wife comes home grumpy from work DO NOT look at your watch and say "Is it that time of the Month Again" Proper Response "I cannot believe the whole world does not know what a wonderful perfect woman you are..nobody appreciates you properly."

2)When your wife says "I cannot believe I am not losing weight with all the exercise I do." DO NOT respond with, "Maybe if you would cut back on your food you would not have to exercise so much" Proper Response " You are perfect just the way you are. You are way hotter then Shakira"

3) When your wife says "Do you think this outfit makes me look fat?" DO NOT respond by saying "Well clothes cannot make you look any fatter then you actually are."
PROPER RESPONSE "Baby you look good in anything. Your are totally my Top Model"

4)DO NOT look in the crock pot and say "Gross I hate crock pot food" Proper Response "I can't believe you work all week and still have dinner ready every night...you are a domestic goddess please let me worship at your feet"

5) DO NOT ASK your wife "are you going to lay around all day and do nothing but read and watch Law & Order" Do say "while you are laying there my dear, why don't I bring you a little snack and flip the channel to "Snapped" for you."

6) DO NOT respond with " I would bite you too" if your wife complains that your stinky old mean dog once AGAIN bit her on the leg. Do say "I will at once take that vicious animal to the animal shelter and please lay down and rest your injured leg while I fetch you a DQ Pecan Pie Blizzard while you recover"

7)DO NOT say "What did you do to your hair" when your wife comes home from the hair dresser when the beauty shop got a little snip happy. PROPER RESPONSE " I see you got a sassy new haircut my little minx"

8) When your wife says "Honey I made cookies and nary a cookie crossed my lips" DO NOT say "you are not missing much they were dry anyway" Proper Response: "Your will power is amazing, you truly are the most amazing woman that has ever walked the earth (additional guidance...do not insert the words "aside from my mother' in the proper response) If you happen to be talking to your mother you WILL want to insert those words)

9) DO NOT say "Maybe you should go to the doctor to get a prescription for whatever this is that you are going through because this is not normal" Proper Response "Let me mix you up a pitcher of margaritas and bring you a basket of chips and some salsa. I think there is a marathon of "Snapped" Episodes let me get the remote"

10) DO NOT EVER EVER EVER SAY "Why can't you do (fill in the blank with just about anything) like (fill in the blank with any other woman's name). DO SAY "My darling I bet you could do (fill in the blank) a hundred times better then (fill in the blank with any other woman's name). I am totally not worthy of you. Please allow me to worship you, take you to the Mall and buy you much cheap gaudy bling"

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