Why it Sucks to be Over 40 something.....

10. Metabolism comes to a screeching halt...mine is the equivalent of a Hippensteel Funeral Home client.

9. You cannot stay out all night with your friends and work the next day...if your not in bed by 9:00 (and that would be p.m.) then you have to take a nap in the breakroom during lunch and your co workers will ask if you have the flu and advise "You look horrible"

8. The sexy tousled bed head look now just looks like you forgot to brush your hair.

7. You cannot eat pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner and still button your pants.

6. The checkout boys at the grocery store will no longer offer to help take your giant cartful of groceries out but they will ask the 20 year old in the next lane who just purchased a pack of gum and a 20 oz mountain dew if she needs help out to her car.

5. If you get pulled over the police despite crying and looking pathetic and saying "I have had a really bad morning" he will just say "well now its just gotten worse" and hand you your seat belt violation ticket anyway.

4. Makeup is no longer a choice it is a necessity.

3. When you say you might want some plastic surgery...people START MENTIONING things that if they were me "they would pick first"

2. When you say "I am hot" it means your having a hot flash or the central air is broken.

1. Friday nights no longer involve friends, booze, and staying out all night...Friday nights now involve trips to Walmart to buy Menopause away and fans.

okay now WHY IT IS GREAT TO BE OVER 40 SOMETHING....

10. I have a lifetime of experience and knowledge under my belt..ie I know when the telephone solicitor calls to HANG UP RIGHT AWAY because if you don't you will end up buying a 5 year subscription to a magazine club that will send you Golf Digest, Billiards Digest and Fishing Digest and an absolutely free guide to Putt Putt Golf for Dummies.

9. I have more disposable income as I am no longer buying mega bottles of tylonol as my children are grown.

8. I can come and go as I please..oh except for the 40 hours a week I am expected at work and the 10 hours a week I should be doing housework and the 7 hours a week I should be working out so I don't keel over dead from obesity and the 56 hours I need to be asleep so I don't turn into an assassin.

7. I can be mean and cranky and get away with it by declaring "I can't help it I am crazy from Menopause"

6. I can carry a big purse and not look like a potential shoplifter.

5. I no longer worry about people thinking I am young and stupid...now I know I am brilliant.

4. I can eat ice cream for dinner on account of the "losing calcium as you age".

3. I can wear all sorts of cheap bling and people don't think I am trashy they think I am eccentric.

2. I can read all the trashy books and watch all the trashy TV I want because I do not have a developing mind.

1. I am much better at guarding my mouth and not calling people stupid except stupid drivers downtown,stupid Walmart shoppers, and the generally stupid people that seem to surround me.