1)When you wife comes home grumpy from work DO NOT look at your watch and say "Is it that time of the Month Again" Proper Response "I cannot believe the whole world does not know what a wonderful perfect woman you are..nobody appreciates you properly."
2)When your wife says "I cannot believe I am not losing weight with all the exercise I do." DO NOT respond with, "Maybe if you would cut back on your food you would not have to exercise so much" Proper Response " You are perfect just the way you are. You are way hotter then Shakira"
3) When your wife says "Do you think this outfit makes me look fat?" DO NOT respond by saying "Well clothes cannot make you look any fatter then you actually are."
PROPER RESPONSE "Baby you look good in anything. Your are totally my Top Model"
4)DO NOT look in the crock pot and say "Gross I hate crock pot food" Proper Response "I can't believe you work all week and still have dinner ready every night...you are a domestic goddess please let me worship at your feet"
5) DO NOT ASK your wife "are you going to lay around all day and do nothing but read and watch Law & Order" Do say "while you are laying there my dear, why don't I bring you a little snack and flip the channel to "Snapped" for you."
6) DO NOT respond with " I would bite you too" if your wife complains that your stinky old mean dog once AGAIN bit her on the leg. Do say "I will at once take that vicious animal to the animal shelter and please lay down and rest your injured leg while I fetch you a DQ Pecan Pie Blizzard while you recover"
7)DO NOT say "What did you do to your hair" when your wife comes home from the hair dresser when the beauty shop got a little snip happy. PROPER RESPONSE " I see you got a sassy new haircut my little minx"
8) When your wife says "Honey I made cookies and nary a cookie crossed my lips" DO NOT say "you are not missing much they were dry anyway" Proper Response: "Your will power is amazing, you truly are the most amazing woman that has ever walked the earth (additional guidance...do not insert the words "aside from my mother' in the proper response) If you happen to be talking to your mother you WILL want to insert those words)
9) DO NOT say "Maybe you should go to the doctor to get a prescription for whatever this is that you are going through because this is not normal" Proper Response "Let me mix you up a pitcher of margaritas and bring you a basket of chips and some salsa. I think there is a marathon of "Snapped" Episodes let me get the remote"
10) DO NOT EVER EVER EVER SAY "Why can't you do (fill in the blank with just about anything) like (fill in the blank with any other woman's name). DO SAY "My darling I bet you could do (fill in the blank) a hundred times better then (fill in the blank with any other woman's name). I am totally not worthy of you. Please allow me to worship you, take you to the Mall and buy you much cheap gaudy bling"
Monday, July 26, 2010
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Why it Sucks to be Over 40 something.....
10. Metabolism comes to a screeching halt...mine is the equivalent of a Hippensteel Funeral Home client.
9. You cannot stay out all night with your friends and work the next day...if your not in bed by 9:00 (and that would be p.m.) then you have to take a nap in the breakroom during lunch and your co workers will ask if you have the flu and advise "You look horrible"
8. The sexy tousled bed head look now just looks like you forgot to brush your hair.
7. You cannot eat pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner and still button your pants.
6. The checkout boys at the grocery store will no longer offer to help take your giant cartful of groceries out but they will ask the 20 year old in the next lane who just purchased a pack of gum and a 20 oz mountain dew if she needs help out to her car.
5. If you get pulled over the police despite crying and looking pathetic and saying "I have had a really bad morning" he will just say "well now its just gotten worse" and hand you your seat belt violation ticket anyway.
4. Makeup is no longer a choice it is a necessity.
3. When you say you might want some plastic surgery...people START MENTIONING things that if they were me "they would pick first"
2. When you say "I am hot" it means your having a hot flash or the central air is broken.
1. Friday nights no longer involve friends, booze, and staying out all night...Friday nights now involve trips to Walmart to buy Menopause away and fans.
okay now WHY IT IS GREAT TO BE OVER 40 SOMETHING....
10. I have a lifetime of experience and knowledge under my belt..ie I know when the telephone solicitor calls to HANG UP RIGHT AWAY because if you don't you will end up buying a 5 year subscription to a magazine club that will send you Golf Digest, Billiards Digest and Fishing Digest and an absolutely free guide to Putt Putt Golf for Dummies.
9. I have more disposable income as I am no longer buying mega bottles of tylonol as my children are grown.
8. I can come and go as I please..oh except for the 40 hours a week I am expected at work and the 10 hours a week I should be doing housework and the 7 hours a week I should be working out so I don't keel over dead from obesity and the 56 hours I need to be asleep so I don't turn into an assassin.
7. I can be mean and cranky and get away with it by declaring "I can't help it I am crazy from Menopause"
6. I can carry a big purse and not look like a potential shoplifter.
5. I no longer worry about people thinking I am young and stupid...now I know I am brilliant.
4. I can eat ice cream for dinner on account of the "losing calcium as you age".
3. I can wear all sorts of cheap bling and people don't think I am trashy they think I am eccentric.
2. I can read all the trashy books and watch all the trashy TV I want because I do not have a developing mind.
1. I am much better at guarding my mouth and not calling people stupid except stupid drivers downtown,stupid Walmart shoppers, and the generally stupid people that seem to surround me.
9. You cannot stay out all night with your friends and work the next day...if your not in bed by 9:00 (and that would be p.m.) then you have to take a nap in the breakroom during lunch and your co workers will ask if you have the flu and advise "You look horrible"
8. The sexy tousled bed head look now just looks like you forgot to brush your hair.
7. You cannot eat pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner and still button your pants.
6. The checkout boys at the grocery store will no longer offer to help take your giant cartful of groceries out but they will ask the 20 year old in the next lane who just purchased a pack of gum and a 20 oz mountain dew if she needs help out to her car.
5. If you get pulled over the police despite crying and looking pathetic and saying "I have had a really bad morning" he will just say "well now its just gotten worse" and hand you your seat belt violation ticket anyway.
4. Makeup is no longer a choice it is a necessity.
3. When you say you might want some plastic surgery...people START MENTIONING things that if they were me "they would pick first"
2. When you say "I am hot" it means your having a hot flash or the central air is broken.
1. Friday nights no longer involve friends, booze, and staying out all night...Friday nights now involve trips to Walmart to buy Menopause away and fans.
okay now WHY IT IS GREAT TO BE OVER 40 SOMETHING....
10. I have a lifetime of experience and knowledge under my belt..ie I know when the telephone solicitor calls to HANG UP RIGHT AWAY because if you don't you will end up buying a 5 year subscription to a magazine club that will send you Golf Digest, Billiards Digest and Fishing Digest and an absolutely free guide to Putt Putt Golf for Dummies.
9. I have more disposable income as I am no longer buying mega bottles of tylonol as my children are grown.
8. I can come and go as I please..oh except for the 40 hours a week I am expected at work and the 10 hours a week I should be doing housework and the 7 hours a week I should be working out so I don't keel over dead from obesity and the 56 hours I need to be asleep so I don't turn into an assassin.
7. I can be mean and cranky and get away with it by declaring "I can't help it I am crazy from Menopause"
6. I can carry a big purse and not look like a potential shoplifter.
5. I no longer worry about people thinking I am young and stupid...now I know I am brilliant.
4. I can eat ice cream for dinner on account of the "losing calcium as you age".
3. I can wear all sorts of cheap bling and people don't think I am trashy they think I am eccentric.
2. I can read all the trashy books and watch all the trashy TV I want because I do not have a developing mind.
1. I am much better at guarding my mouth and not calling people stupid except stupid drivers downtown,stupid Walmart shoppers, and the generally stupid people that seem to surround me.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Yes Fried Cream Cheese Can Be a Disapointment
Seeeester day yesterday!
Off the sisters went to a festival in Lake Ceder.
The thought of Bingo makes the sister giddy as does the thought of eating Festival Food WHILE playing Bingo.
First item on agenda make a circuit of the food carts to decide which culinary delight should be devoured...yummmm..elephant ears, funnel cakes, corn on the cob...we are salivating as we ogle the food vendors with our money clutched tight in our gluttonous little hands ...then we spot it...a cart that will make a glutton's eyes pop right of their sockets...FRIED CHEESE....there are some many things right about fried cheese..first off it is CHEESE...MELTED CHEESE...IN BATTER...ON A STICK!
So we order Fried Cream Cheese and a Fried Swiss Cheese and Rye. Fried Cream Cheese not so good even on a stick. Fried swiss cheese and Rye only good when you just suck the swiss cheese out of the so NOT rye breading and the stick gets in the way. How could this have gone wrong???? It sounded oh so right...but cheese rolled in what is basically corn dog batter was a disappointment.
Pirogi: Threw them in the trash..NOT GOOD..
Corn on the Cob. Denise loved. Kim refused to partake on account of dental issues.
Funnel Cake: Ate the entire thing with sister...enough said.
Bingo: It is not fun to play bingo when the pot is 5.00 and less and the cards were $.50 a piece. Old ladies are serious about their bingo. One round old lady complained to the Bingo caller because she thought that guy at the next table was cheating.Played some then Denise had an awesome idea...lets cut out and go to the
Merriville Mall. See why I love my sister?????
Mall: Oh Sears in the Merriville Mall how I love you so. Clearance galore. Baby Caleb scored LOTS of cut outfits, all for 5.00 and less! Okay Meth users quit using meth get a visa card and go to the Clearance Section of Sears.I swear to you it will be even better then your illegal high and you will be well dressed.
Bakers Square for Dinner: A restaurant of pies.I was pretty sure I had died and had gone to heaven. I have a great idea for Bakers Square they should have all you can eat pie night say for $6.00! I would so be there. I think the only thing better then all you can eat pie buffet would be bottomless Margarita glass.
Fireworks store: Denise declared Big Bang to not have good sales..I believe she said that just because she was bouncing up and down declaring she had to "pee really bad" and they did not have a bathroom. Do not travel with Denise and allow her to drink four glasses of ice tea at dinner and then let her take a tea to go.
All in all a very relaxing and fun day with the seeeester.....Thank you seeester dear I love you (though not quite as much as I love pie and clearance sections but you come pretty close).
Off the sisters went to a festival in Lake Ceder.
The thought of Bingo makes the sister giddy as does the thought of eating Festival Food WHILE playing Bingo.
First item on agenda make a circuit of the food carts to decide which culinary delight should be devoured...yummmm..elephant ears, funnel cakes, corn on the cob...we are salivating as we ogle the food vendors with our money clutched tight in our gluttonous little hands ...then we spot it...a cart that will make a glutton's eyes pop right of their sockets...FRIED CHEESE....there are some many things right about fried cheese..first off it is CHEESE...MELTED CHEESE...IN BATTER...ON A STICK!
So we order Fried Cream Cheese and a Fried Swiss Cheese and Rye. Fried Cream Cheese not so good even on a stick. Fried swiss cheese and Rye only good when you just suck the swiss cheese out of the so NOT rye breading and the stick gets in the way. How could this have gone wrong???? It sounded oh so right...but cheese rolled in what is basically corn dog batter was a disappointment.
Pirogi: Threw them in the trash..NOT GOOD..
Corn on the Cob. Denise loved. Kim refused to partake on account of dental issues.
Funnel Cake: Ate the entire thing with sister...enough said.
Bingo: It is not fun to play bingo when the pot is 5.00 and less and the cards were $.50 a piece. Old ladies are serious about their bingo. One round old lady complained to the Bingo caller because she thought that guy at the next table was cheating.Played some then Denise had an awesome idea...lets cut out and go to the
Merriville Mall. See why I love my sister?????
Mall: Oh Sears in the Merriville Mall how I love you so. Clearance galore. Baby Caleb scored LOTS of cut outfits, all for 5.00 and less! Okay Meth users quit using meth get a visa card and go to the Clearance Section of Sears.I swear to you it will be even better then your illegal high and you will be well dressed.
Bakers Square for Dinner: A restaurant of pies.I was pretty sure I had died and had gone to heaven. I have a great idea for Bakers Square they should have all you can eat pie night say for $6.00! I would so be there. I think the only thing better then all you can eat pie buffet would be bottomless Margarita glass.
Fireworks store: Denise declared Big Bang to not have good sales..I believe she said that just because she was bouncing up and down declaring she had to "pee really bad" and they did not have a bathroom. Do not travel with Denise and allow her to drink four glasses of ice tea at dinner and then let her take a tea to go.
All in all a very relaxing and fun day with the seeeester.....Thank you seeester dear I love you (though not quite as much as I love pie and clearance sections but you come pretty close).
Sunday, June 20, 2010
You may call Me Mrs. Kaufman
Grandchildren:We have had the pleasure of having our oldest grandson while his mother is recuperating in the hospital from her C section which brought our sweet little Caleb into our fold. Okay I never thought I would say this but hearing "Hey Grandma" a gazillion times in a 24 hour period has got me contemplating a name switch. I have been asked everything from "where are the dead bodies at in the cemetary?" to "why can't we go to Chuckie Cheese for breakfast?". He has an endless supply of questions and comments. We were coming out of Marsh and I said "Be careful there is a car coming" He responds, "Actually that is a Truck, Grandma" I say "Wow you are just like your Grandpa" Adams says "That's what my Mom says"
Last night Keaton came to hang out with his cousin and G-Ma and G-Pa. During swimming time Keaton decides he must have the hose. He asked Grandpa for the hose and Grandpa says "No you don't need the hose" Keaton says "Why" Grandpa did not have a good answer as to why Keaton could not have the hose because after all he already was wet..so he hands over the hose and then we find out why he should not have gotten it because Grandma AND Grandpa promptly got sprayed with the hose.
Puppy: I forgot how hyper black labs are. I have now been fully reminded.
Food: I have given up Wendy's Oreos frosty and have completely kicked my addicition. However, it has been replaced with an intense desire for Hot Fudge Sundaes. What the heck is wrong with me?
Workouts: I am plodding slow...oh so slow...I think it has to do with the previous topic. Once this gallon of icecream is gone it will be a good thing...a very good thing.
Happy Father's Day to All! We have fabulous father's in our family! In rememberence of the fathers in my life:
My Dad: You have always made me laugh. I think that is what I miss about you most.
You were witty, clever and never let me beat you at scrabble. When I actually did beat you which I must add was only once I was so proud because I beat the smartest man I knew. You taught us to be strong, self reliant,cynical, generous and gave us a sarcastic sense of humor (some people call sick..they obviously do not get good humor, and you also gave us a work ethic that will likely kill us. For along time after you left us I kept picking up the phone to call and tell you something funny or share some good news with you. I miss you and love you and you would have loved the little guys in our family..they are what you would have called "boy boys".
Grandpa Richard: When you married Mom you married a whole family. You loved us like we were your own despite the fact that you got us full grown. You were a good Grandpa to the kids and you they will always remember you. My dad loved you too he said he could not have picked a better man to have been a father to his girls and a grandpa to his Grandkids and he was very grateful for all that you did for us. Jerry and the boys still love pine village but it is bittersweet for me because despite its beauty I have Pine Village and you so strong entwined that I don't see the beauty I just see that you are not there. I miss driving up and seeing you on your mower with your funny hat waving at me.
Okay I have to move on to another topic because I am going to make myself cry.....
Have a wonderful day to all. Father's Days adoration will be moved to next Sunday because we are not doing a gathering without Caleb, Kendra and Lucas!
Last night Keaton came to hang out with his cousin and G-Ma and G-Pa. During swimming time Keaton decides he must have the hose. He asked Grandpa for the hose and Grandpa says "No you don't need the hose" Keaton says "Why" Grandpa did not have a good answer as to why Keaton could not have the hose because after all he already was wet..so he hands over the hose and then we find out why he should not have gotten it because Grandma AND Grandpa promptly got sprayed with the hose.
Puppy: I forgot how hyper black labs are. I have now been fully reminded.
Food: I have given up Wendy's Oreos frosty and have completely kicked my addicition. However, it has been replaced with an intense desire for Hot Fudge Sundaes. What the heck is wrong with me?
Workouts: I am plodding slow...oh so slow...I think it has to do with the previous topic. Once this gallon of icecream is gone it will be a good thing...a very good thing.
Happy Father's Day to All! We have fabulous father's in our family! In rememberence of the fathers in my life:
My Dad: You have always made me laugh. I think that is what I miss about you most.
You were witty, clever and never let me beat you at scrabble. When I actually did beat you which I must add was only once I was so proud because I beat the smartest man I knew. You taught us to be strong, self reliant,cynical, generous and gave us a sarcastic sense of humor (some people call sick..they obviously do not get good humor, and you also gave us a work ethic that will likely kill us. For along time after you left us I kept picking up the phone to call and tell you something funny or share some good news with you. I miss you and love you and you would have loved the little guys in our family..they are what you would have called "boy boys".
Grandpa Richard: When you married Mom you married a whole family. You loved us like we were your own despite the fact that you got us full grown. You were a good Grandpa to the kids and you they will always remember you. My dad loved you too he said he could not have picked a better man to have been a father to his girls and a grandpa to his Grandkids and he was very grateful for all that you did for us. Jerry and the boys still love pine village but it is bittersweet for me because despite its beauty I have Pine Village and you so strong entwined that I don't see the beauty I just see that you are not there. I miss driving up and seeing you on your mower with your funny hat waving at me.
Okay I have to move on to another topic because I am going to make myself cry.....
Have a wonderful day to all. Father's Days adoration will be moved to next Sunday because we are not doing a gathering without Caleb, Kendra and Lucas!
Saturday, May 08, 2010
Things I Must Keep Reminding Myself About
1) There is no such thing as just eating a few Cheese It's...if I open that box I am gonna probably finish them off.
2) Calling people wanker is not lady like.
3) Screaming at the driver on my left to "maintain your lane of travel you moran" with my car window rolled up will not actually keep him/her from straddling both lanes..
4)If I eat an entire bag of fun sized snickers my socks will get too tight...okay okay I mean my pants.
5)Buying new running shoes will not make me faster.
6) I cannot slap people in Walmart because they are in my way,I will get arrested and I don't look good in stripes.
7) Driving a 5 Speed Saturn really is cool...
8) The tag on my shirts go on the inside.....
9)Menopause is not an excuse to browbeat people or threaten to twist their heads off like a pop top.
10) Nice Girls don't make voo doo dolls.
2) Calling people wanker is not lady like.
3) Screaming at the driver on my left to "maintain your lane of travel you moran" with my car window rolled up will not actually keep him/her from straddling both lanes..
4)If I eat an entire bag of fun sized snickers my socks will get too tight...okay okay I mean my pants.
5)Buying new running shoes will not make me faster.
6) I cannot slap people in Walmart because they are in my way,I will get arrested and I don't look good in stripes.
7) Driving a 5 Speed Saturn really is cool...
8) The tag on my shirts go on the inside.....
9)Menopause is not an excuse to browbeat people or threaten to twist their heads off like a pop top.
10) Nice Girls don't make voo doo dolls.
Sunday, May 02, 2010
Stop the Insanity
I don't know when it happened but at some point I lost complete control of my life. I am now in the unenviable position of reclaiming what is rightfully mine..Peace of Mind and Soul. My house looks like Horders should come in with their crazy hoarder Pych doctors and give me a session or two, my schedule has gone awry and nothing gets done on time( I have had to call twice and have late fees waived and freely admited it was menopause and that I have become unhinged...both times the service reps were woman...both times they waived my $35 late fee), I never cook anymore and have become overly fond of Lean Pockets and canned asparagus, and menopause has caused me to become irrational and have wild mood swings that have me wanting to sob in despair and then wanting to knock people upside the head with my beautiful shiny black handbag.
So what does a woman due when her mental stablity is at risk and does not feel the like she has peace of mind and soul? She does not drink lots and lots of wine, nor does she eat mass quantities of reece cups. She does not go to the doctor and says "Can you give me a little something to ease the anxiety". She cleans...or makes plans to clean...
General Kim's Plan of Attack Against Insanity:
The first level of attack.... cleaning my laundry room. No woman should have to bend and stretch and straddle just to get something out of her freezer or utility closet. Granted you could apply this in "Livestrong.com" as "Yoga". However, if you are bending, stretching and straddling to get the frozen Sara Lee pie out of the freezer I think it is cancels out the "did Yoga" part. At any rate the first level of attack to reclaiming my peace of mind and soul was successful. However, I doubt the wisdom of making my freezer easily assessible.
Second Level of Attack: Clean upstairs room and turn it into sleep and playroom for the grandchildren. I retreated from this assault as when I opened the door I was confronted by the sight of a large artificial Chistmas Tree completely assembled (sans ornaments) with a partially inflated air mattress next to it and many many boxes of stuff surrounding the mattress and Christmas Tree. Slammed the door and retreated..a good General knows when to retreat and when to attack....
Third Level of Attack: Bathe Dog..the dog is old...like a zillion years old in people years..he stinks..BAD. Told him he was going to get a bath...he slunk off and hid under the kitchen table..tried to lure him out with dog biscuit..then hunk of cheese..he growled and bared all four of his teeth. General Kim decides this battle is a losing one and just shoots him with a spray of vanilla bean air freshener. The General determines this is not a retreat but rather a treaty as the dog did allow the General to spray him with air freshener.
While my peace of mind and sanity have not been restored I feel slightly more balanced and will prepare myself for further attacks in the next week.
Overheard at Grandma's House:
Adam"I have an idea...hows about I sleep at your house"
Grandma "You will have to ask your mommy"
Adam "Grandma says I can sleep at her house"
Mommy" You don't have pajamas"
Adam"Grandma you got pajamas here?"
Grandma "I believe I do"
Adam "It's good Grandma has pajamas"
Laughing my butt off moment:
Helicopter war with Adam and Keaton. After Grandma was covered with Helicopters she suggests to Adam and Keaton that they bombard Mommy/Aunt Kendra with handfuls of Helicopters. Keaton was laughing so hard at the thought of throwing a handful of helicopters at his Aunt Kendra that he could hardly walk and hold his helicopters.
So what does a woman due when her mental stablity is at risk and does not feel the like she has peace of mind and soul? She does not drink lots and lots of wine, nor does she eat mass quantities of reece cups. She does not go to the doctor and says "Can you give me a little something to ease the anxiety". She cleans...or makes plans to clean...
General Kim's Plan of Attack Against Insanity:
The first level of attack.... cleaning my laundry room. No woman should have to bend and stretch and straddle just to get something out of her freezer or utility closet. Granted you could apply this in "Livestrong.com" as "Yoga". However, if you are bending, stretching and straddling to get the frozen Sara Lee pie out of the freezer I think it is cancels out the "did Yoga" part. At any rate the first level of attack to reclaiming my peace of mind and soul was successful. However, I doubt the wisdom of making my freezer easily assessible.
Second Level of Attack: Clean upstairs room and turn it into sleep and playroom for the grandchildren. I retreated from this assault as when I opened the door I was confronted by the sight of a large artificial Chistmas Tree completely assembled (sans ornaments) with a partially inflated air mattress next to it and many many boxes of stuff surrounding the mattress and Christmas Tree. Slammed the door and retreated..a good General knows when to retreat and when to attack....
Third Level of Attack: Bathe Dog..the dog is old...like a zillion years old in people years..he stinks..BAD. Told him he was going to get a bath...he slunk off and hid under the kitchen table..tried to lure him out with dog biscuit..then hunk of cheese..he growled and bared all four of his teeth. General Kim decides this battle is a losing one and just shoots him with a spray of vanilla bean air freshener. The General determines this is not a retreat but rather a treaty as the dog did allow the General to spray him with air freshener.
While my peace of mind and sanity have not been restored I feel slightly more balanced and will prepare myself for further attacks in the next week.
Overheard at Grandma's House:
Adam"I have an idea...hows about I sleep at your house"
Grandma "You will have to ask your mommy"
Adam "Grandma says I can sleep at her house"
Mommy" You don't have pajamas"
Adam"Grandma you got pajamas here?"
Grandma "I believe I do"
Adam "It's good Grandma has pajamas"
Laughing my butt off moment:
Helicopter war with Adam and Keaton. After Grandma was covered with Helicopters she suggests to Adam and Keaton that they bombard Mommy/Aunt Kendra with handfuls of Helicopters. Keaton was laughing so hard at the thought of throwing a handful of helicopters at his Aunt Kendra that he could hardly walk and hold his helicopters.
Friday, January 15, 2010
You Know you are food addict when...
1. You hide your case..err I mean box of Thin Mints in the trunk of your car to avoid sharing them with your family.
2. Eating 13 fun size snickers isn't any fun anymore...you gotta get the super fun size snickers.
3. You plan your girls weekends around an episode of diners, drive in and dives.
4. 90% of your girls weekend budget is alloted for "meals and snacks"
5.You inflict eye injuries on others cause your pants buttons are a poppin.
6. You watch the food network with the same concentration as a porn addict watches porn.
7. Marco's Pizza is sending you letters that start with "We miss you"
8. You begin to think that a half marathon is totally worth it if you can eat an entire Marcos Pizza with a Pecan Pie chaser afterwards.
9. The kibble in the dog food can is looking less like dog food and more like beef stew.
10. You don't care if the unwrapped hershey kiss fell on the rug that the dog sleeps on.
2. Eating 13 fun size snickers isn't any fun anymore...you gotta get the super fun size snickers.
3. You plan your girls weekends around an episode of diners, drive in and dives.
4. 90% of your girls weekend budget is alloted for "meals and snacks"
5.You inflict eye injuries on others cause your pants buttons are a poppin.
6. You watch the food network with the same concentration as a porn addict watches porn.
7. Marco's Pizza is sending you letters that start with "We miss you"
8. You begin to think that a half marathon is totally worth it if you can eat an entire Marcos Pizza with a Pecan Pie chaser afterwards.
9. The kibble in the dog food can is looking less like dog food and more like beef stew.
10. You don't care if the unwrapped hershey kiss fell on the rug that the dog sleeps on.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Thanksgiving Report
Thanksgiving as always was loud and chaotic and you know I would not change it for the world.
As in the years past: Every single year and I do mean every year someone asks "What time are we eating" Ok people we have had Thanksgiving at 1:00 for the last 20 years but being the nice person I am I roll my eyes, let out a big sigh and reply "Are ya stupid..it is the same time as the last 20 years..1:00"
The Feast: Stays pretty much the same..standard Thanksgiving food but we will throw in an occasional new dish...this year Red Hot Applesauce Jello and mom's yummy pumpkin cake with cinnamon glaze...ymmmmm.
The GAMES: Aunt Denise is the winner of the "Eat It" triva game...that woman she does know her snack food. Unlike other trivia games this one does not take us an entire day to earn all the pieces to the pie cause there are just somethings we know alot about...food, bodily functions, movies and TV. If we have any knowlege of history, science or geography, it is cause we pick up the odd piece of knowledge here or there by channel surfing.
Buzz word first place was taken by Team White Lightening...Team Nimrod would have won the first round if one of Team Nimrod's members had not let her child erase the score card. One of Team White Lightening's Team members fled the kitchen cause
"This game takes to much quick thinking and my brain does not work like that" Team White Lightening's replacement stepped in but replacement spent alot of time scowling at his teammates asking them if they were stupid. Holy cow...Man....that was fun.
Black Friday Stratgey Planning Meeting: After food is consumed...okay food consumption never actually stops it just sorta slows down and games have been played it was time to get down to business...Black Friday Strategy. First there is the whole argument about who is riding with who...Kim after several years of boycotting riding with Aunt Denise because Aunt Denise LEFT KIM AT BEST BUY AND FORGOT HER, decides to forgive Aunt Denise (only because Kendra opened her big mouth and told Aunt Denise that "Mom forget me and left me in the daycare at the gym when I was 10 and had to come back for me" Denise demands instant absolution which Kim had to grant. So Kim in a gesture of goodwill says she will ride with Aunt Denise this year. Tasha and Kendra (part of Team Nimrod) will ride together. Amanda would be going with a friend. Brad was on the fence until we told him that if rides with Kendra and Tasha he will have to pay for his own Black Friday meal but if he rides with Aunt Denise and his Mom he is likely to score a free meal...despite the fact that "his brain does not work like that" he was quick thinking enough to agree to go with his Mom and Aunt. The ads are brought out. Ads are a touchy subject in this house. No one wants to give someone else their ads because then they don't get it back. Aunt Denise hides her ads (to protect them and keep them safe for Friday. Aunt Denise and Amanda try to get everyone elses ads. Kim takes a sharpie and writes her name across the front page of every ad from her newspaper before she will let someone so much as touch her ads. Brad tries to look at Lucas ads. Lucas tells him if he touches his ads he is a dead man. Once the arguments over ads and ad ownership have been settled,the planning and list making commences. Kim is feverishly circling items with her official "Black Fridy" sharpie. When it happens...someone dares to interfere with the Black Friday Stratgey Committee's official meeting...the someone...a child. The children in the family have still not got a clear understanding that when we are having a stratgy meeting we are not to be talked to, asked things or bothered in anyway(unless someone is gushing blood or projectile vomiting). Poor Abby stands by her Aunt Kim and request crayons and paper. Aunt Kim tells her to go watch Underdog because she is busy. Abby again makes her request. Aunt Kim tells her no she is not getting up from the table. Abby asks at least one million times more before Aunt Kim says coloring is not a "Thanksgiving activity" we will color another time. Abby in a huff walks away and begins coloring on styrofoam plates with Aunt Kim's backup sharpie. And then another interference, Adam runs in to tattle ( a skill just recently learned). He advises his grandmother (Kim) that Abby is coloring on plates and taping them to the walls. Grandma tells Adam to "worry about his self and Abby is not hurting anything". Finally we are left in peace.
THE DAY:
It must be admitted that Kendra and Tasha are FANTASTIC black friday shoppers cause they got everything off the list that Team White Lightening had asked them to pick up at Target and Menards. Team White Lightening did well in getting all their items on their list but let down Team Nimrod by not being able to get the the "New Moon" game.
Despite their willingness to pick up items for opposing the team, Team Nimrod has a mean streak and when they hooked up with Team White Lightening's car they threw COMBOS in the open window of Team White Lightening's vehicle and laughed hysterically because a team member of White Lightening requested that her teammate unlock the car door (yeah yeah yeah the car window was down) . A member of Team White Lightening responded by throwing water at Team Nimrod's car which only elicted laughter and a response of "Thanks for the car wash".
END OF THE DAY: Shopper's went home..at least one member of Team White Lightening went home and slept for three hours..then got up for a couple of hours and then went to bed for the night. Evidently being able to plod/walk 13 miles does not guarentee the ability to stay up for 24 hours straight.
Tidbits:
You gotta love a person that you get in the Christmas draw that gives you a picture of her wishlist item torn out of the ad and hands you a coupon for $10.00 off at that store.
Aunt Denise is scamming Speedway by bypassing how the hot chocolate is instructed to be made on the machine and stopping and starting the machine mulitple times to make her cocoa triple chocolately.
Golden Corral is the place to go for Breakfast Buffet.
Overheard:
"Aunt Kim can I have a piece of pumpkin pie now?" "No, because you just ate your weight in dirt pudding and Aunt Kim is NOT cleaing pumpkin pie vomit"
As in the years past: Every single year and I do mean every year someone asks "What time are we eating" Ok people we have had Thanksgiving at 1:00 for the last 20 years but being the nice person I am I roll my eyes, let out a big sigh and reply "Are ya stupid..it is the same time as the last 20 years..1:00"
The Feast: Stays pretty much the same..standard Thanksgiving food but we will throw in an occasional new dish...this year Red Hot Applesauce Jello and mom's yummy pumpkin cake with cinnamon glaze...ymmmmm.
The GAMES: Aunt Denise is the winner of the "Eat It" triva game...that woman she does know her snack food. Unlike other trivia games this one does not take us an entire day to earn all the pieces to the pie cause there are just somethings we know alot about...food, bodily functions, movies and TV. If we have any knowlege of history, science or geography, it is cause we pick up the odd piece of knowledge here or there by channel surfing.
Buzz word first place was taken by Team White Lightening...Team Nimrod would have won the first round if one of Team Nimrod's members had not let her child erase the score card. One of Team White Lightening's Team members fled the kitchen cause
"This game takes to much quick thinking and my brain does not work like that" Team White Lightening's replacement stepped in but replacement spent alot of time scowling at his teammates asking them if they were stupid. Holy cow...Man....that was fun.
Black Friday Stratgey Planning Meeting: After food is consumed...okay food consumption never actually stops it just sorta slows down and games have been played it was time to get down to business...Black Friday Strategy. First there is the whole argument about who is riding with who...Kim after several years of boycotting riding with Aunt Denise because Aunt Denise LEFT KIM AT BEST BUY AND FORGOT HER, decides to forgive Aunt Denise (only because Kendra opened her big mouth and told Aunt Denise that "Mom forget me and left me in the daycare at the gym when I was 10 and had to come back for me" Denise demands instant absolution which Kim had to grant. So Kim in a gesture of goodwill says she will ride with Aunt Denise this year. Tasha and Kendra (part of Team Nimrod) will ride together. Amanda would be going with a friend. Brad was on the fence until we told him that if rides with Kendra and Tasha he will have to pay for his own Black Friday meal but if he rides with Aunt Denise and his Mom he is likely to score a free meal...despite the fact that "his brain does not work like that" he was quick thinking enough to agree to go with his Mom and Aunt. The ads are brought out. Ads are a touchy subject in this house. No one wants to give someone else their ads because then they don't get it back. Aunt Denise hides her ads (to protect them and keep them safe for Friday. Aunt Denise and Amanda try to get everyone elses ads. Kim takes a sharpie and writes her name across the front page of every ad from her newspaper before she will let someone so much as touch her ads. Brad tries to look at Lucas ads. Lucas tells him if he touches his ads he is a dead man. Once the arguments over ads and ad ownership have been settled,the planning and list making commences. Kim is feverishly circling items with her official "Black Fridy" sharpie. When it happens...someone dares to interfere with the Black Friday Stratgey Committee's official meeting...the someone...a child. The children in the family have still not got a clear understanding that when we are having a stratgy meeting we are not to be talked to, asked things or bothered in anyway(unless someone is gushing blood or projectile vomiting). Poor Abby stands by her Aunt Kim and request crayons and paper. Aunt Kim tells her to go watch Underdog because she is busy. Abby again makes her request. Aunt Kim tells her no she is not getting up from the table. Abby asks at least one million times more before Aunt Kim says coloring is not a "Thanksgiving activity" we will color another time. Abby in a huff walks away and begins coloring on styrofoam plates with Aunt Kim's backup sharpie. And then another interference, Adam runs in to tattle ( a skill just recently learned). He advises his grandmother (Kim) that Abby is coloring on plates and taping them to the walls. Grandma tells Adam to "worry about his self and Abby is not hurting anything". Finally we are left in peace.
THE DAY:
It must be admitted that Kendra and Tasha are FANTASTIC black friday shoppers cause they got everything off the list that Team White Lightening had asked them to pick up at Target and Menards. Team White Lightening did well in getting all their items on their list but let down Team Nimrod by not being able to get the the "New Moon" game.
Despite their willingness to pick up items for opposing the team, Team Nimrod has a mean streak and when they hooked up with Team White Lightening's car they threw COMBOS in the open window of Team White Lightening's vehicle and laughed hysterically because a team member of White Lightening requested that her teammate unlock the car door (yeah yeah yeah the car window was down) . A member of Team White Lightening responded by throwing water at Team Nimrod's car which only elicted laughter and a response of "Thanks for the car wash".
END OF THE DAY: Shopper's went home..at least one member of Team White Lightening went home and slept for three hours..then got up for a couple of hours and then went to bed for the night. Evidently being able to plod/walk 13 miles does not guarentee the ability to stay up for 24 hours straight.
Tidbits:
You gotta love a person that you get in the Christmas draw that gives you a picture of her wishlist item torn out of the ad and hands you a coupon for $10.00 off at that store.
Aunt Denise is scamming Speedway by bypassing how the hot chocolate is instructed to be made on the machine and stopping and starting the machine mulitple times to make her cocoa triple chocolately.
Golden Corral is the place to go for Breakfast Buffet.
Overheard:
"Aunt Kim can I have a piece of pumpkin pie now?" "No, because you just ate your weight in dirt pudding and Aunt Kim is NOT cleaing pumpkin pie vomit"
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Things I love
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Magic Water Bottles: The other day I was getting ready to take a ride (which I might add was quite fun!), while I was preparing for my ride I was talking to my fellow rider on the cell phone. I pulled my water bottle off the shelf, all the while chatting away,and went to stick the water bottle under the tap when I felt weight in the bottle..thinking I must have left water in it I start to dump it....and FUN SIZE SNICKER BARS flowed forth! Jill, who was still on the telephone with me, had to listen to my shrieks of joy for minutes...my huband hearing the shrieks of joy and my shouts of utter happiness ran into the kitchen to see me joyously running my hands thru the mound of snicker bars. He promptly grabs them away and slinks off to rehide the snicker bars...
Pumpkin Spice Latte from starbucks and Christmas Music
Feast of the Hunter's Moon
Covered Bridge Festival
Wearing hoodies in the fall (they cover a multitude of body flaws)
Sitting on my porch in the cool fall weather.
Overheard:
"Can we walk down to the bottom of the hill Grandma?" "Heck, no cause then we have to walk up the hill" "Well we can RUN up the hill" (why my 3 year old Grandson thought I would rather run then walk up the hill is a mystery)
"It must be fall...you're cleaning" (my poor husband the only time I clean is when the weather gets cool..I might add cool only...cold just makes me lay on the couch with a blanket and the remote.)
"My tummy is hungry for Pizza" (Your's isn't the only one little buddy)
"How you doing Kimmie" (Did not even dignify that question with an answer...we were running...I felt like dying of course)
"Why am I doing this?" (guess what this question was about...the answer...because I am completely stupid)
"Maybe carb loading is the answer" (it is the answer to why I can't button my pants without laying down on the bed)
"If I ride any longer I might be totally naked" (okay I will let you just mull this comment over!)
UPCOMING EVENTS:
Feast of the Hunters Moon (all children must be accompanied by parents as Grandma will not be able to hold any children as she is going to have her hands full of apple dumplings and ham and beans)
Kaufman Family Fall Festival/Halloween Fun Day: Sunday 1:00. Chili and dessert served and yes I will have something for those picky eaters that will not let a kidney bean cross their lips. Kids bring your halloween buckets to put your prizes in!
Covered Bridge: Whoooo Hoooo the girls are going out of town...just one day so we can't cause too much chaos.
Halloween Night: Grandma will cook beef stew and desserts before trick or treating.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Hunger Rears Its Ugly Head
Fall is my absolute favorite time of the year. I love running, I love biking, I love walking thru leaves and carving pumpkins. Unfortunately I also love food. Fall awakens the hunger in me like no other season...chili, cider, pumpkin dougnuts (and I don't even like dougnuts all that well) stews, homemade soups, homemade cookies and cakes. I need to do the whole bear thing and hibernate right thru the fall season. Yesterday, my friend and I were walking on our lunch break, and as soon as I walked out the door of the building I could smell the yummy goodness of Chumley's hamburgers. My knees about buckled and I just about fell to the ground in a fit of culinary lust. Lucky for me I knew that if I made it thru my breakfast of egg whites and whole grain bread, and lunch of carrots, celery, strawberries, and whole grain bread roast beef sandwich that delights were awaiting me at home in honor of my son in laws birthday...chicken pot pie, made with my own loving hands. Lets just say because of the season I am REALLY glad they took the remainder of the birthday cake home (aside from the piece my husband has in his possession and is closely guarding).
On the home front:My husband bought snickers bars last week (which I might add is the best candy in the ENTIRE world..followed closely by reece cups). He hid the snickers bars. They are unfindable. That makes me sad and kinda glad.
On the Grandbaby Front: My grandson, who is getting ready to turn 1, had his picture taken. Is it wrong to want to buy every package cause he is so darn cute? Do you think I could get a bank loan to purchase the million dollars of pictures I want? Oh...the parents are kinda cute too. My other grandson,who seems to be alot like his grandma, will pee in the potty lots of time for pieces of candy corn. Maybe I should ask my husband if I pee in the potty will that score me one of those hidden snickers bars.
1/2 Marathon Training Update: My IT band hurts...hurt at mile 8 on my long run with 3 more miles to go. Lucky for me I have a plodding buddy that has the patience of a saint. The last three miles were walk, run, stretch, repeat. I FINISHED the route and to me, with the burning in my leg, that was what counted. I have been rolling my IT band on that devil of a roller twice a day. Yesterday did three miles with no pain. For all the pain it causes while rolling it better be working. 1/2 marathon November 7! This weeks long run 11.5 miles. I don't understand why I do all this exercise and am not losing weight when I eat lots better then most people (but not as good as some). I think it is all my weekends...I need to control my weekend food and eat more like I do during the week but then again what fun is that?
Overheard at my house: "This is rather disturbing" said by Kendra while I was doing my inner peace stretches in front of her. "Welcome to my world" response of Kendra's father/my hubby
"We are going for a walk and you two can't go" said by grandson as he pointed to his mother and grandfather while we were getting ready to go for our after dinner walk.
"I am not tired, I don't wanna go night night" said about 30 seconds before my grandson fell asleep.
"What do you want for breakfast" uttered by Grandma "Candy Corn" response by grandson "Don't tell your Mom though" response by Grandma (fyi later we actually had a real breakfast)
"Where did you put the snickers bars?" guess who said this..."Why do you want to know" said by the hider of the snickers bars.
On the home front:My husband bought snickers bars last week (which I might add is the best candy in the ENTIRE world..followed closely by reece cups). He hid the snickers bars. They are unfindable. That makes me sad and kinda glad.
On the Grandbaby Front: My grandson, who is getting ready to turn 1, had his picture taken. Is it wrong to want to buy every package cause he is so darn cute? Do you think I could get a bank loan to purchase the million dollars of pictures I want? Oh...the parents are kinda cute too. My other grandson,who seems to be alot like his grandma, will pee in the potty lots of time for pieces of candy corn. Maybe I should ask my husband if I pee in the potty will that score me one of those hidden snickers bars.
1/2 Marathon Training Update: My IT band hurts...hurt at mile 8 on my long run with 3 more miles to go. Lucky for me I have a plodding buddy that has the patience of a saint. The last three miles were walk, run, stretch, repeat. I FINISHED the route and to me, with the burning in my leg, that was what counted. I have been rolling my IT band on that devil of a roller twice a day. Yesterday did three miles with no pain. For all the pain it causes while rolling it better be working. 1/2 marathon November 7! This weeks long run 11.5 miles. I don't understand why I do all this exercise and am not losing weight when I eat lots better then most people (but not as good as some). I think it is all my weekends...I need to control my weekend food and eat more like I do during the week but then again what fun is that?
Overheard at my house: "This is rather disturbing" said by Kendra while I was doing my inner peace stretches in front of her. "Welcome to my world" response of Kendra's father/my hubby
"We are going for a walk and you two can't go" said by grandson as he pointed to his mother and grandfather while we were getting ready to go for our after dinner walk.
"I am not tired, I don't wanna go night night" said about 30 seconds before my grandson fell asleep.
"What do you want for breakfast" uttered by Grandma "Candy Corn" response by grandson "Don't tell your Mom though" response by Grandma (fyi later we actually had a real breakfast)
"Where did you put the snickers bars?" guess who said this..."Why do you want to know" said by the hider of the snickers bars.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Things I learned from Girls Weekend
1) 20 year old girls do not need sleep. They will stay up till 2:00 a.m in the morning and sleep in to 9:00 a.m. Woman in their 40's like to go to bed at 9:00 p.m and get up 5:00 a.m.
2) Going up 11 flights of stair to go down and 11 story slide is hard work and will make you break a sweat.
3) A woman in her 40's ( I might add LATE 40s) can actually get up the stairs easier then women in their 20's
4) Sleeping with your shoes under your pillow cause you are scared the 20 year old women will lace your shoes upside down AGAIN, will give you a neck ache.
5) Two computer addicts cannot share one laptop.
6) Never trust someone who is laughing hysterically in the back seat of the car when you are in the front seat. (if anyone wants to know specifics please ask Kim)
7) Three adult women can have just as much fun at the STL city museum as 11 year old children.
8) It is scary to run downtown St. Louis. The result of fear is turning around at the quarter mile mark going back to the hotel lobby and having pastries and coffee.
9) Having pastries and coffee instead of running will make one's pants hard to button.
10) If people are walking by your bed going "shhhhh your gonna wake her"...they are probably gonna do something to you.
11) A city that boasts about its culture is probably not going to have an outlet mall close by.
12) Mile High Pie does not actually mean it is mile high.
13) If you hunker down in a corner at the tip top of a high building cause you are scared to death, you will get laughed at and have your picture taken and slapped onto an internet page.
14) A Girls Weekend is good for the soul.
2) Going up 11 flights of stair to go down and 11 story slide is hard work and will make you break a sweat.
3) A woman in her 40's ( I might add LATE 40s) can actually get up the stairs easier then women in their 20's
4) Sleeping with your shoes under your pillow cause you are scared the 20 year old women will lace your shoes upside down AGAIN, will give you a neck ache.
5) Two computer addicts cannot share one laptop.
6) Never trust someone who is laughing hysterically in the back seat of the car when you are in the front seat. (if anyone wants to know specifics please ask Kim)
7) Three adult women can have just as much fun at the STL city museum as 11 year old children.
8) It is scary to run downtown St. Louis. The result of fear is turning around at the quarter mile mark going back to the hotel lobby and having pastries and coffee.
9) Having pastries and coffee instead of running will make one's pants hard to button.
10) If people are walking by your bed going "shhhhh your gonna wake her"...they are probably gonna do something to you.
11) A city that boasts about its culture is probably not going to have an outlet mall close by.
12) Mile High Pie does not actually mean it is mile high.
13) If you hunker down in a corner at the tip top of a high building cause you are scared to death, you will get laughed at and have your picture taken and slapped onto an internet page.
14) A Girls Weekend is good for the soul.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
I wanna Ponytail too
My grandson who is just getting ready to turn 3 loves to do what everyone else is doing...when Grandpa goes to the shed to work..Adam wants to go the shed to work...when Grandma is cooking in the kitchen...Adam wants to cook in the kitchen...when Baby Keaton is crawling around on the floor...Adam wants to crawl around on the floor....sooooo when Grandma says to granddaughter Carissa "Do you want Grandma to put your hair up in a ponytail" that opened a Pandora's box...Adams yells while rubbing his buzz cut..."I wanna ponytail in my hair too!" I look at him and CALMLY state "Boys don't wear ponytails" Now I know this statement might cause a flap but I DO NOT LIKE LONG HAIR ON MEN OR BOYS (unless it is Jon Bon Jovi)My boys never had long hair, my husband has short hair and to this day they keep themselves sheared pretty close. At any rate this statement of reason did not sit well with my little man, who once again insisted that he have a ponytail like "Rissa" and that he too wanted a butterfly barrett. I again stated "Boys don't wear ponytails AND you don't have enough hair to have a ponytail" All my statement did was elicit sobs of dispair. However, being the veteran of many mother/son wars I had just the solution...how about we have a popcicle. Sobbing stopped immediately.A request was made for an orange popcicle..all was well with the world...on a side note not only did "Rissa" get a ponytail and a butterfly barret, she too scored an orange popcicle.
Baby Keaton is now set loose on the world....just shy a couple of weeks from 10 months old...is now toddling around the living room. He is a rough and tumble boy he falls over all the toys (that I might add are the ones he has thrown from the toybox)and just picks himself up toddles off again..He tends to like to toddle over by the coffee table and end table where he has more then once found a stray cheese nip or two. He loves to have Grandma pull him in the wagon. He will ride in the wagon for HOURS! Our perfect evenings are long walks around the neighborhood and then we sit on my porch swing and sings songs and I swing him till he falls asleep and then we just swing on the porch in quiet..just Grandma and her little man.
Carissa spent the morning and afternoon with us last week....I love having a granddaughter! She will be 4 in January and she loves the mall with all her little heart. When I asked her if she wanted to go to the mall, her eyes lit up. I asked her what she wanted to buy from the mall and she says..."A Dress...a princess dress" well we could not find an exact princess dress but we did find a dress with polka dots and a cupcake which she loved...she also got 2 new pair of shoes, a pair of jeans, two new shirts, new DORA underwear (which as soon as her Dad came to pick up her up, she proudly lifted her dress and exclaimed "I got new Dora panties". Her father said she shouldn't show people her new panties, it would be a better idea just to TELL people she got new Dora panties. She also got some new barretts and some baby bling (major sequined bracelets). I think having a granddaughter is very bad on my Visa balance.
Tyson has started middle school. It seems just the other day he came into our lives. I still remember the first time I met him. His mother was dating my son and my son brought her over to our house on halloween with Tyson. They were standing in the yard talking and Ty was getting antsy (as he was only around 4 yrs old and four year olds don't like to stand around especially when they have a bucket for collecting candy.) I look at Tyson and say "Would you like me to walk you down our street while your Mom is talking?" He slipped his little hand in mine and said "Yes, please" and I loved him from that moment on. Now he is a middle schooler and doesn't hold my hand anymore but he still hugs me and tells me he loves me.
Death Run Training Update:
8.66 miles...slow and easy and quite enjoyable...could actually have gone another mile with no great distress. The morning was cool and we had a slight wind that kept us cool...My running buddy had to make a pit stop...the only pit stop was Burger King...I told him just our luck someone would see us going into Burger King and think we were going for the biscuits and gravy instead of doing our long run...if anyone saw us go into Burger King this morning...I swear the only thing we did was use the bathroom.
Biking
Last Sunday we road to Brookston and back...all country roads..total milage around 34 miles. We stopped at a nice little icecream shop and had some yummy icecream...I had blueberry waffle cone crunch...mmmmmm so good and the scoop was huge and only 1.75. However, we burned all the calories from our icecream off as we battled head on wind for the 16 mile trip back home. I might add it was also over 90 degrees that day and our ride started at 12:30 in the afternoon.
Next bike route will be to Linden to the Lindy Freeze...about a 40 mile route...who doesn't love a bike ride that involves icecream?
Girls Going Wild:
It is time for the annual Girls Weekend! St. Louis is our destination! The fathers are probably not as excited as we are cause they will be all on their own...well they got Grandpa backup and actually he is almost better then Grandma backup! Good Luck Guys!
Our Family is Nuts:
I have a wedding dress in my closet. It was suppose to be Kendra's then she changed her mind...she still got married...just did not wear this dress. I told her she should try to sell it and if she did she could use that money for our girls weekend. So she gets it out and she decides that Tasha (yes our skinny itty bitty little Tasha) should model it for the picture and Kendra would entitle her sale..."Wedding Dress...Must Sell...Lost Weight" So it is now listed on Craigs list. with a photo of Tasha swamped in layers of white fabric (no offense Kendra) we will probably get more requests on how did Tasha loose weight(this girl has never been fat a minute of her life...not even when pregnant with an almost 10 pound baby) then offers on the dress.
Over and out for now...time to refuel my jelly belly after this mornings run with some power food...okay I lie I am gonna have a pancake.
Baby Keaton is now set loose on the world....just shy a couple of weeks from 10 months old...is now toddling around the living room. He is a rough and tumble boy he falls over all the toys (that I might add are the ones he has thrown from the toybox)and just picks himself up toddles off again..He tends to like to toddle over by the coffee table and end table where he has more then once found a stray cheese nip or two. He loves to have Grandma pull him in the wagon. He will ride in the wagon for HOURS! Our perfect evenings are long walks around the neighborhood and then we sit on my porch swing and sings songs and I swing him till he falls asleep and then we just swing on the porch in quiet..just Grandma and her little man.
Carissa spent the morning and afternoon with us last week....I love having a granddaughter! She will be 4 in January and she loves the mall with all her little heart. When I asked her if she wanted to go to the mall, her eyes lit up. I asked her what she wanted to buy from the mall and she says..."A Dress...a princess dress" well we could not find an exact princess dress but we did find a dress with polka dots and a cupcake which she loved...she also got 2 new pair of shoes, a pair of jeans, two new shirts, new DORA underwear (which as soon as her Dad came to pick up her up, she proudly lifted her dress and exclaimed "I got new Dora panties". Her father said she shouldn't show people her new panties, it would be a better idea just to TELL people she got new Dora panties. She also got some new barretts and some baby bling (major sequined bracelets). I think having a granddaughter is very bad on my Visa balance.
Tyson has started middle school. It seems just the other day he came into our lives. I still remember the first time I met him. His mother was dating my son and my son brought her over to our house on halloween with Tyson. They were standing in the yard talking and Ty was getting antsy (as he was only around 4 yrs old and four year olds don't like to stand around especially when they have a bucket for collecting candy.) I look at Tyson and say "Would you like me to walk you down our street while your Mom is talking?" He slipped his little hand in mine and said "Yes, please" and I loved him from that moment on. Now he is a middle schooler and doesn't hold my hand anymore but he still hugs me and tells me he loves me.
Death Run Training Update:
8.66 miles...slow and easy and quite enjoyable...could actually have gone another mile with no great distress. The morning was cool and we had a slight wind that kept us cool...My running buddy had to make a pit stop...the only pit stop was Burger King...I told him just our luck someone would see us going into Burger King and think we were going for the biscuits and gravy instead of doing our long run...if anyone saw us go into Burger King this morning...I swear the only thing we did was use the bathroom.
Biking
Last Sunday we road to Brookston and back...all country roads..total milage around 34 miles. We stopped at a nice little icecream shop and had some yummy icecream...I had blueberry waffle cone crunch...mmmmmm so good and the scoop was huge and only 1.75. However, we burned all the calories from our icecream off as we battled head on wind for the 16 mile trip back home. I might add it was also over 90 degrees that day and our ride started at 12:30 in the afternoon.
Next bike route will be to Linden to the Lindy Freeze...about a 40 mile route...who doesn't love a bike ride that involves icecream?
Girls Going Wild:
It is time for the annual Girls Weekend! St. Louis is our destination! The fathers are probably not as excited as we are cause they will be all on their own...well they got Grandpa backup and actually he is almost better then Grandma backup! Good Luck Guys!
Our Family is Nuts:
I have a wedding dress in my closet. It was suppose to be Kendra's then she changed her mind...she still got married...just did not wear this dress. I told her she should try to sell it and if she did she could use that money for our girls weekend. So she gets it out and she decides that Tasha (yes our skinny itty bitty little Tasha) should model it for the picture and Kendra would entitle her sale..."Wedding Dress...Must Sell...Lost Weight" So it is now listed on Craigs list. with a photo of Tasha swamped in layers of white fabric (no offense Kendra) we will probably get more requests on how did Tasha loose weight(this girl has never been fat a minute of her life...not even when pregnant with an almost 10 pound baby) then offers on the dress.
Over and out for now...time to refuel my jelly belly after this mornings run with some power food...okay I lie I am gonna have a pancake.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
These are a few of my favorite things...
Watching my husband play with our grandchildren
Hearing my grandson, Adam say, "Love you Newma"
Holding my grandson, Keaton while he sleeps in my arms on the porch swing.
Having my granddaughter,Carissa, run toward me saying "Can I sit on your lap Grandma"
Having my 11 year old grandson, Tyson , hug me..because soon he will be at an age that he will not want to hug Grandma.
Hearing my Mom say "I worked really hard at the Y today"
Running in the early morning hours with my friends, while the rest of the world sleeps.
Biking Sunday afternoons on county roads.
The smell of a campfire.
New loaded music on my MP3 player.
Road Trips
Old country songs
The smell of leaves in the fall.
Fall Festivals
Hearing my grandson, Adam say, "Love you Newma"
Holding my grandson, Keaton while he sleeps in my arms on the porch swing.
Having my granddaughter,Carissa, run toward me saying "Can I sit on your lap Grandma"
Having my 11 year old grandson, Tyson , hug me..because soon he will be at an age that he will not want to hug Grandma.
Hearing my Mom say "I worked really hard at the Y today"
Running in the early morning hours with my friends, while the rest of the world sleeps.
Biking Sunday afternoons on county roads.
The smell of a campfire.
New loaded music on my MP3 player.
Road Trips
Old country songs
The smell of leaves in the fall.
Fall Festivals
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT
I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT I FORGOT HOW HARD IT WAS TO TRAIN FOR A HALF.
Last Friday I was checking out the calendar to see how many weeks before Christmas (I know I know it is a little insane) and discovered not only was it time to start listening to Christmas music (cause it takes a while to build myself up to my Christmas frenzy) but I have a half marathon in 14 weeks.EGADS I had not even begun to train! I have been taking lazy daisy plods around Lafayette with not a thought of plodding an inch more then 6 miles. Poor Jill almost fell over when her Garmin gave its little ting a ling for mile 6 and I stopped dead in my tracks.
This weekend Jeff agreed to accompany me on my Saturday plod of pain. As we started I casually asked if he was doing the half in November. He affirmed that yes he to would be participating in the 13 mile death shuffle. So once again (casually) I state "Well we better start training...oh yeah we gotta start today" So off we went on our pain of plod. 7 miles of ups and down ( I might add that right at the start we had hills).. in the humidity ( I should not complain because Runner Susan runs in the depths of Hell a/k/a Texas in the summer), and in the early morning with NO COFFEE (the world is an ugly brutual place without coffee), with legs that have not gone more then 6 miles in over a year (and stop instantly upon mile 6 all on their own), with my fat little belly (compliments of Magnifco Pizza), and a brain that has been conditioned to think of 6 miles as a "Long Run". So with all those things against me...you know its gonna be brutal...who knew that 1 tiny little mile would make such a big difference. Mile 7, I was crying on the inside and whining on the outside. Once again I was doubting my sanity...WHO IN THE WORLD DOES THIS FOR FUN...WHY AM I DOING THIS? IT HURTS!
I still don't know the answer to that. After all my family will love me whether I do a half marathon or not(my husband might even love me more if I don't cause then the housework MIGHT get done). It's not going to get me a promotion or raise at work...I am not going to earn a million dollars for it (okay not even one dollar)and it certainly (this has been proven in the past) will not make me look like Shakira. So why why why do I torture myself?
Perhaps I am trying to make myself suffer to pay back for the wrongs I have committed in my past life....like making my baby sister take a bite of the tomato worm (which I might add she has never forgoten and still randomly brings up..I am pretty sure she has NOT forgiven me)or perhaps it is the time I beat the little mouse to death that had the nerve to nest in my Halloween decorations ( I was pretty proud of myself that I was fast enough to chase it down and then KILL it...Mom if you reading this...know that IF the mouse had not crossed into my domain and was merely wondering around in the back yard then he would still be alive today)
So for my wrongs on Saturday I plodded 7 miles and then walked almost 2 miles. Sunday afternoon biked 25 miles with my Y friends and one mother of a Y friend (Chloe you ROCK)...
Result of Half Marathon Training Week One: if you have the following totals 17 miles plodding, walk 5 miles and bike 50 miles..do not eat Magnifco Pizza, do not indulge in Frosty consumption, do not repeatedly raid husband's stash of snicker bars, cookies and doughnuts then you will be rewarded with a loss of three pounds (despite eating lunch Saturday at Dog and Suds and having an honest to goodness rootbeer laden with sugar)
Family Update:
Adam: is doing his business in the potty....well most of his business...
Keaton: has two teeth and is cutting three more all at once...and he is still pretty happy...I think he is happy cause he knows the teeth mean COOKIES!
Denise: Needs poker intervention
The Slug: GOING TO THE Y AND WORKING ON BECOMING UNSLUGIFIED
Last Friday I was checking out the calendar to see how many weeks before Christmas (I know I know it is a little insane) and discovered not only was it time to start listening to Christmas music (cause it takes a while to build myself up to my Christmas frenzy) but I have a half marathon in 14 weeks.EGADS I had not even begun to train! I have been taking lazy daisy plods around Lafayette with not a thought of plodding an inch more then 6 miles. Poor Jill almost fell over when her Garmin gave its little ting a ling for mile 6 and I stopped dead in my tracks.
This weekend Jeff agreed to accompany me on my Saturday plod of pain. As we started I casually asked if he was doing the half in November. He affirmed that yes he to would be participating in the 13 mile death shuffle. So once again (casually) I state "Well we better start training...oh yeah we gotta start today" So off we went on our pain of plod. 7 miles of ups and down ( I might add that right at the start we had hills).. in the humidity ( I should not complain because Runner Susan runs in the depths of Hell a/k/a Texas in the summer), and in the early morning with NO COFFEE (the world is an ugly brutual place without coffee), with legs that have not gone more then 6 miles in over a year (and stop instantly upon mile 6 all on their own), with my fat little belly (compliments of Magnifco Pizza), and a brain that has been conditioned to think of 6 miles as a "Long Run". So with all those things against me...you know its gonna be brutal...who knew that 1 tiny little mile would make such a big difference. Mile 7, I was crying on the inside and whining on the outside. Once again I was doubting my sanity...WHO IN THE WORLD DOES THIS FOR FUN...WHY AM I DOING THIS? IT HURTS!
I still don't know the answer to that. After all my family will love me whether I do a half marathon or not(my husband might even love me more if I don't cause then the housework MIGHT get done). It's not going to get me a promotion or raise at work...I am not going to earn a million dollars for it (okay not even one dollar)and it certainly (this has been proven in the past) will not make me look like Shakira. So why why why do I torture myself?
Perhaps I am trying to make myself suffer to pay back for the wrongs I have committed in my past life....like making my baby sister take a bite of the tomato worm (which I might add she has never forgoten and still randomly brings up..I am pretty sure she has NOT forgiven me)or perhaps it is the time I beat the little mouse to death that had the nerve to nest in my Halloween decorations ( I was pretty proud of myself that I was fast enough to chase it down and then KILL it...Mom if you reading this...know that IF the mouse had not crossed into my domain and was merely wondering around in the back yard then he would still be alive today)
So for my wrongs on Saturday I plodded 7 miles and then walked almost 2 miles. Sunday afternoon biked 25 miles with my Y friends and one mother of a Y friend (Chloe you ROCK)...
Result of Half Marathon Training Week One: if you have the following totals 17 miles plodding, walk 5 miles and bike 50 miles..do not eat Magnifco Pizza, do not indulge in Frosty consumption, do not repeatedly raid husband's stash of snicker bars, cookies and doughnuts then you will be rewarded with a loss of three pounds (despite eating lunch Saturday at Dog and Suds and having an honest to goodness rootbeer laden with sugar)
Family Update:
Adam: is doing his business in the potty....well most of his business...
Keaton: has two teeth and is cutting three more all at once...and he is still pretty happy...I think he is happy cause he knows the teeth mean COOKIES!
Denise: Needs poker intervention
The Slug: GOING TO THE Y AND WORKING ON BECOMING UNSLUGIFIED
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Tales from the Fat Side
Vacation + Food= Slow Fat Kim
I am back from my vacation. Unfortunately my vacation consisted of much dining out which then results in my whining about how hard it is to run when one is carrying Wendys, Cici's Pizza, Pizza King, etc...around one's big old gut. Lucky for me I have running buddies that will run with me whether I am slow or slower.
I spent a long weekend at Brown County browsing thru stores where items were tagged $$+. I might add there were several bric a brac items that I swear I have seen on the Dollar tree shelf that were now sitting on the shelf of a rustic boutique for like a 200% markup. I guess cheap looking ceremic pineapple pitchers have become all the trend so they can be marked $29.00. Alas I have never been one of those homey woman that can take ceremic bric a brac, ivy and dried flowers and make a home look like a Better Homes and Gardens show place. The only thing I really really wanted was the doormat that says "Don't forget to wipe" but I wanted it for my bathroom...cause I am kinda lovin the bathroom humor... I also wanted to get my daughter the tee shirt that had a mother holding a screaming child, surrounded by overflowing laundry and a sink full of dishes that said "Life is Crap". I guess it is a good thing I have my husband because he keeps me from buying stuff like that. Yep Tacky is my middle name. Well all in all it was a good weekend. Returned home and spend the rest of my vacation doing "Camp Grandma". Movies, bowling, Monkey Joes...pizza, pizza, fast food...okay I guess it was not Brown County that made me fat...it was "Camp Grandma". More to follow.
I am back from my vacation. Unfortunately my vacation consisted of much dining out which then results in my whining about how hard it is to run when one is carrying Wendys, Cici's Pizza, Pizza King, etc...around one's big old gut. Lucky for me I have running buddies that will run with me whether I am slow or slower.
I spent a long weekend at Brown County browsing thru stores where items were tagged $$+. I might add there were several bric a brac items that I swear I have seen on the Dollar tree shelf that were now sitting on the shelf of a rustic boutique for like a 200% markup. I guess cheap looking ceremic pineapple pitchers have become all the trend so they can be marked $29.00. Alas I have never been one of those homey woman that can take ceremic bric a brac, ivy and dried flowers and make a home look like a Better Homes and Gardens show place. The only thing I really really wanted was the doormat that says "Don't forget to wipe" but I wanted it for my bathroom...cause I am kinda lovin the bathroom humor... I also wanted to get my daughter the tee shirt that had a mother holding a screaming child, surrounded by overflowing laundry and a sink full of dishes that said "Life is Crap". I guess it is a good thing I have my husband because he keeps me from buying stuff like that. Yep Tacky is my middle name. Well all in all it was a good weekend. Returned home and spend the rest of my vacation doing "Camp Grandma". Movies, bowling, Monkey Joes...pizza, pizza, fast food...okay I guess it was not Brown County that made me fat...it was "Camp Grandma". More to follow.
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Puke, Fall on the Ground or Keep on Plodding
This mornings run: HARD. I did not feel good. I could not decide which I was more inclined to do...puke or just throw myself down on the ground. Kris told me I could not throw myself on the ground because she was not, whether the scales are down or not(please see side bar weight ticker on blog), carrying my sorry butt back to the car...so I kept going..I had to walk a couple of times because I was sweating buckets, which felt to me like the nasty bacteria that is making me ill was making a hasty retreat from my unwilling host body. At one time I declared I was gonna "cut it short". To which Jill says "How about you finish the 6 and we will just slow it down." Because I am easily influenced by peer pressure I continued on. Now you all know about my mad passion for my caffine fix(actually dominates my mad passion for cookies). Me, lover of coffee, woman who would hand over her very last dollar for just sip of Joe, woman who would actually sign over her parental rights for a good cup of coffee (okay I admit when my kids were young I probably would have done that for absolutely nothing)ordered just a SMALL coffee after this mornings run...now that ladies and gentlemen is when you know Kimmie is actually sick and not slacking.
Spring Fling: Spring Fling is today..in just hours my yard will be filled with children running amuck as they gather their easter eggs. Before they get here I should probably do poop and scoop duty as the dog has also been running amuck in the yard. I don't think I will get high Grandma/Aunt marks if the children are coated with sticky candy and dog poo.
Have a great week all and for those of you that are fighting the battle...keep on fighting!
Spring Fling: Spring Fling is today..in just hours my yard will be filled with children running amuck as they gather their easter eggs. Before they get here I should probably do poop and scoop duty as the dog has also been running amuck in the yard. I don't think I will get high Grandma/Aunt marks if the children are coated with sticky candy and dog poo.
Have a great week all and for those of you that are fighting the battle...keep on fighting!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Missionary of Fatness
I am an obese woman. It does not matter if I have lost over 100 pounds. It does not matter that I am currently losing. Always inside is the obese woman struggling to emerge. This is not said in jest. Unless you have been obese you will never truely fathom the depth of the struggle that I and others face every day of our lives. People have said that overeating is not an addiction. That overeating is nothing more then weakness of will. Overeating, in my case, is not just weakness of will. It is a fullblown addiction. There are days when I feel crazed with the need to eat. Not just eat a cookie or two, but to eat till excess, eat till most "normal" people would be puking their guts out. When I get to the "puking level" I feel good. I feel satisfied. I feel like a junkie who has long last gotten their fix. I read on another blog a saying that is so very true: "Smokers can keep their tiger in the cage, Overeaters have to take their tigers out of the cage three times a day" My tiger is currently on a leash when I take it out of it's cage. But every single day of my life I fear that MY tiger will again rip loose of it's leash and devour everything within it's sight and smell.
When I pass an extremely obese person. I want to cry. I want to rush to their side and hold them and tell them that it is okay. That there ARE others that know their struggle.
Currently I am working with a woman that is in the midst of the battle. I ache for her because I know she struggles every single day and there is absolutely nothing I can do for her other then to walk by her side as she begin the battle of obesity.
My friend Jill, who well knows my struggles, is the one who runs by my side to help me in my battle. Every day I thank God for my friends that walk and run by my side!Most of these people are soldiers...they fight the battle too.
I guess the point of this entire rambling paragraph is for those who have never been "Obese" to revisit your thoughts on the obese. If you pass a person on the street that is large...please don't assume that they are just "fat, lazy and lack self control" Please please understand that these people are in emotional AND physical pain.
My goal in life is to reach out to as many people as I can. To give them hope to not let them give up...
When I pass an extremely obese person. I want to cry. I want to rush to their side and hold them and tell them that it is okay. That there ARE others that know their struggle.
Currently I am working with a woman that is in the midst of the battle. I ache for her because I know she struggles every single day and there is absolutely nothing I can do for her other then to walk by her side as she begin the battle of obesity.
My friend Jill, who well knows my struggles, is the one who runs by my side to help me in my battle. Every day I thank God for my friends that walk and run by my side!Most of these people are soldiers...they fight the battle too.
I guess the point of this entire rambling paragraph is for those who have never been "Obese" to revisit your thoughts on the obese. If you pass a person on the street that is large...please don't assume that they are just "fat, lazy and lack self control" Please please understand that these people are in emotional AND physical pain.
My goal in life is to reach out to as many people as I can. To give them hope to not let them give up...
Sunday, March 08, 2009
What It Really Means
Said: It will be nice to run along the river.
What it really means: Maybe If I give her something new to look at she will stop whining about how this is going to kill her.
Said: I am really glad I came.
What it really means: This beats scrubbing out the toilet.
Said: Let's do 5 1/2 since we are feeling good.
What it Really Means: We're gonna do 6. I don't care if you feel like puking.
Said: Did you hear what I said?
What it Really Means: Hey I better get her to talk I think she is
blacking out.
Said: Kimmie you rock!
What it really means: I am really glad you didn't puke.
Said: Have a good today Kimmie!
What it Really Means: DO NOT EAT THREE BOXES OF THIN MINTS!
Said: See you next week
What it Really Means: I guess the toilet isn't gonna get cleaned next weekend either.
Fun Factor: 1000% (the mud added about 999% of the fun)
What it really means: Maybe If I give her something new to look at she will stop whining about how this is going to kill her.
Said: I am really glad I came.
What it really means: This beats scrubbing out the toilet.
Said: Let's do 5 1/2 since we are feeling good.
What it Really Means: We're gonna do 6. I don't care if you feel like puking.
Said: Did you hear what I said?
What it Really Means: Hey I better get her to talk I think she is
blacking out.
Said: Kimmie you rock!
What it really means: I am really glad you didn't puke.
Said: Have a good today Kimmie!
What it Really Means: DO NOT EAT THREE BOXES OF THIN MINTS!
Said: See you next week
What it Really Means: I guess the toilet isn't gonna get cleaned next weekend either.
Fun Factor: 1000% (the mud added about 999% of the fun)
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