And she cried and cried and cried

What happened when one previously very overweight woman went shopping for a bathing suit? Hint: The answer is in the Title of the post. She cried and cried and cried. My current swimming attire is gym shorts and tee shirt OVER my bathing suit. I am getting some incredible drag in the water from this outfit so thought I would buy a new bathing suit. I just feel very exposed in a normal swimsuit so I thought I would go more for the board short and swimming tank. It was not pretty! It still did not cover up all the damage to my body. Shiver Gag! There was skin all over. I know people talk about self acceptance but I guess while my physcial health has improved my mental health that deals with self acceptance has NOT recovered. I should embrace my fat damage and be proud of it....but I can't. For those of you that do not know what I speak of when I say "Fat Damage" I will give you two examples of what a woman, who was fat for 20 years, looks like when she loses weight. 1)A balloon that has been inflated to its fullest mulitple times and finally you let all the air out and 2) A candle that you lit and burnt and then taken the lighter and melted the outside of the candle till all the wax drips down the outside. Okay see why this aint pretty? At any rate I still don't have a swim suit so I guess it is yet another week of tee shirt and gym shorts. While I was already crying I thought I might as well try on some standard woman workout clothes. All I can say is everyone should be THANKFUL that I wear mens shorts and baggy shirts. It was horrible...again with the skin everywhere. I finally settled on some regular woman's tank tops to wear with my gym shorts. It isn't quite as horrible but I think I can only wear them at home when I workout...in the dark! Needless to say I came home in quite a mood which my husband had to bear the brunt of. I have decided the swimsuit designers need a BIG LESSON in swimsuit design! First why can't they make the long boardshorts for woman like the do the guys? I bet woman would buy them. Then why do all tank tops have to have spagetti straps or the criss crosses so that fat and skin can mush out the little holes the criss crosses make? Can't they make a swimsuit top that looks more like a regular big woman's tank? I would bet a year's salary that kind of combination would sell to the big girls. While I am ranting about clothes and the big girl I might as well discuss cap sleeves. Why does every single shirt have cap sleeves. Cap sleeves do not cover up saggy underarms! They are also small so when i tried them they squeezed my arms and made my arms look like a sausage. Okay I have much more inner rage about clothing, designers and big girls but I am going to stop because I will set myself up to be cranky all day and I am already edge because I have on the "Tank Top". Okay next topic

Man without Appendix (MWA) and Little Pumpkin: I went over to MWA's house and took care of him and his little pumpkin a/k/a Carissa because Mrs. MWA was scheduled to work. MWA is not suppose to lift and Carissa is getting quite big so Grandma got the ultimate fun of getting to care for her son and her son's baby. It was fun and I have to say my hat's off to Mothers. I think people forget what hard work it is to tend to others. I have to say while Motherhood is wonderful I am sincerely glad that I have left the motherhood stage and have gone to the Grandma stage. Lots of fun with none of the on and on daily responsibility. I can drop in nuture to my heart's content and then with a wave dissappear when I have had my fill of fun. We had a wonderful night. I played scrabble and LOST, cooked hamburgers on the grill and just sat and talked. Carissa got to hold her first scrabble rack. That is a milestone in our family. Carissa loves her Bunny Foo Foo (a stuffed pink bunny) and he was sopping wet by the end of the evening because she likes to eat Bunny Foo Foo. After the evening I spent with MWA I remembered how much I just LIKE my children. I don't just love them but I like them as well. They are funny and smart and just plain fun.

YARD SALE: I have to say I have found the all time weirdest thing at a yard sale. A basket of USED SOAP SLIVERS. Yes that is right! The cost was $1.00 and the soaps came with a basket. I just stared at the basket. I was dumbfounded! I just don't know what to say about this other then the lady selling it was at least 80. But I don't think that is even an excuse because my Grandma is 83 and I am 100% certain that she would never ever ever sell a basket of used soap slivers.

FOOD: Aunt Denise is back from her trip and she had fun. She taunted me with descriptions of yummy yummy foods that I have not yet tried. The best was the fried cheesecake with rasberry sauce. I have a passion for rasberry sauce and the last time I had some I was almost licking my plate to get all the sauce. She better take me to the Taste of Cincinnati next year or I will hunt her down and hold her hostage that week so she can't go.


Dental Recovery: Still tender. Still feels like somone socked my in the jaw. I can't open my mouth all the way and the packing is driving me nuts. Defintely a tolerable recovery and I will not be scared when I get my left side done at the end of the year.

Exercise: I got all my running milage in during the week so did not have to run on the weekend. Which is a good thing because I think my mouth would hurt when I ran. But I did get an awesome bike ride in on Sunday. I did 10.18 miles and discovered that my seat is too low on my bike. I am not getting a good extenstion on my legs and my quads and knees are bearing the load alone. If I get the seat moved up my glutes and ham strings can kick in a little. It was a beautiful morning for the ride. Today, sob sob the Y is closed so I have to find something to do at home. Maybe another bike ride then I will mow the grass? Tomorrow is 3 miles and lifting. I hate it when the Y is closed. My mother a/k/a the Slug is not sad. She is joyous. She is probably dancing around her apartment releasing balloons, and tossing confetti...nah she is probably sitting in her rocking chair in some kind of mental joyful stupor.

Time for coffee, time to comet the bathtub, time to start a load of laundry. Have a great day!